Thursday, February 17, 2011

The Unknown

As we know there can be fear of the unknown. Not knowing what lies ahead in the future can be scary, especially if you have suffered the loss of a limb. What will I be able to do? Will I be able to take care of myself? What quality of life will I have? Endless questions.

I have found that once again gaining control of incessant and sometimes pessimistic thoughts and learning to slow down, calm or if you are diligent enough, even stop your harmful thoughts will curtail feelings of fear. You can begin this control process by focusing on the good things in your life. It is impossible to think negative thoughts while concentrating on the good in your life. This may come easily to you or it may take time, focus and conscious concentration.

Everyday presents it's own set of unique situations--learn to start your day being as positive as possible. I try to tell myself before I even get out of bed that I am going to have a good day. Now sometimes this works and sometimes it doesn't. I realize as you are reading this that you may be thinking he doesn't understand what I am going through-- how hard it is. True we can never fully understand what another individual is going through. We can however, relate to what another is going through based on our own experience. Let me just say that having suffered the loss of both of my legs, both above the knee, I feel I do know something about personal loss. I am not trying to have a contest about who has suffered the most because you and I will fortunately always lose that contest. There is always someone who has lost more and suffered more than either you or me.

What I am trying to do (as I lost my second leg 7 weeks ago at the time this is being written) is to figure out what I can do for myself and how I can accomplish what I feel I need to do in order to live a happy and fulfilling life.This is an ongoing process. Everyday I learn new and hopefully easier ways to accomplish things I need to do.

I try to be open and receptive to new ideas and new approaches to solving the problems that having no legs presents to me in my life. You know it is still hard for me to say, much less write down the words , "I have no legs." This is my truth. This is what life has dealt me. How can I take this truth and use it to help me and more importantly help others?  I hope these words I am writing now is the answer.

I hope you, my reader, can be helped if even just slightly by reading my words. My friends and my family tell me how strong I am. They tell me how proud they are of how I live my life, but what really matters is how I feel about myself. If I go through all of this physical loss and suffering and I cannot find purpose in it then the loss has been of no avail to me or to anyone--pointless.

I refuse to believe that, there must be a reason why my life has evolved the way it has. I believe this blog could be the beginning of why this has happened. Perhaps, my words and my experience will help someone else. I pray that this is my truth. I pray my words will give at least one person hope. Further, I want to share my thoughts and experiences with others in similar circumstances and hopefully help them along their paths.

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