This is the the 100th blog post of my blogging history. One might think that I have some monumental announcement to make, but alas, not really.
Recently I have been having a difficult time coming up with material to write, this is not the usual with me but it could be for several reasons. Since I no longer participate in physical therapy I have less interaction with other people than I had before, hence less stories with which to amuse myself and my readers.
It should also not be surprising that I have a tendency to write things from an optimistic point of view and as of late that optimism has become somewhat elusive. I am not saying that I am wallowing in the pit of despair but I guess you could say reality has set in and I am not sure I am going to be able to attain some of the goals I set forth two years ago. I guess a more appropriate approach is that things are more realistic than they were two years ago.
I am at a point in this whole leg loss scenario where I have a more true perspective of what I am actually physically capable of achieving. Coming to terms with the reality in one's life is sometimes disillusioning, seeing and living things as they unfold and making evaluations about what is achievable and not, can leave you disappointed.
This may not really be disappointment, but rather reality bringing you to place where you never thought you would be. I am not saying I am giving up on this walking thing but putting these glorious words into practice is a whole different ballgame. A realization I came to meet some time ago was that this is a whole lot of work and I am not completely convinced I am up for the task.
I can now more fully understand and appreciate why people relegate themselves to just taking the easy way out. It is much easier to roll around in your wheelchair than it is to attempt to walk on prosthetics. I cannot believe I am actually writing these words but it is how I feel about the situation right now.
Perhaps I have some misplaced notion that other people will be disappointed in me or some other convoluted idea that I am lazy and unwilling to put forth the effort required to achieve goals I have set forth for myself. Whatever the reason, I am currently unenthusiastic about my eventual ability to actually walk for any extended length of time.
It could very well be that people in situations similar to mine go through this and because I have nothing to compare it to, I just don't realize this is a normal reaction and may or may not change in the future. Questions I ask myself include: Am I working as hard as I should be? Can I really improve my ability to walk for an extended period? Are these small mini walks all I am capable of doing or all I can expect to accomplish? Am I being too hard on myself? The list goes on and on.
Whatever the future holds for me I must cling to the notion that I am doing the best that I can do and learn to be satisfied with my accomplishments. After all I am still a self-sustaining individual capable of taking take of myself and maintaining a home on my own.
No matter what happens in my future I am ever vigilant of the blessings I still have, my home, my family, my friends and my ability to seek and find reasons to be thankful and happy. Perhaps I should just lighten up a little and learn to go with the flow of my life, taking things in stride and remembering that small voice I hear from time to time that says, "The best of your life is yet to come."
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