Thursday, December 27, 2012

Year End Review

I am sitting at my sister and brother-in-law's house looking at a howling blizzard outside, and I am thinking how lucky I am to be safe and secure in this beautiful place. As always we had a wonderful and crazy Christmas. The wrapping paper was flying as everyone was opening their gifts, certainly a reason to be thankful that we have all been so blessed.

In keeping with that spirit, I thought I would write about some of the highs and lows of the past year. As each year passes I am mindful of the ever increasing longevity of my friendships and how important my friendships are to my overall happiness. I also have become increasingly cognizant of the impermanence of almost everything in our lives and the need to appreciate  who we have in our lives while we have them.

Each year we add to the cherished memories we create as the years quickly pass. Unfortunately I lost two friends to cancer in this past year. First my friend of 23 years, Shawn Daly, I have written about him on several occasions and certainly could not have let this year end review pass by without mentioning this monumental loss. I still have his last two voice mail messages on my cellphone so that I can remember his voice. I will never forget all the times this guy made me laugh at his insane antics and of course the cruise we took together.

The second loss of a friend in 2012, is someone who  I actually lost a couple of years before she passed, there was a lack of communication between the two of us that resulted in her choosing to part ways and thus ending our friendship. This was a particularly difficult situation for me because I was not made aware of her cancer diagnosis and so I did not participate in her final years. Now I understand that her dying is about her and not about me, however, I loved her and would like to have demonstrated my love and support to her  because of the mutual love and friendship we once shared. I have been mourning the loss of our friendship for a couple of years but her passing just finalized something I had hoped could have been remedied. She will be greatly missed by me.

I stopped physical therapy in October of this year because of a newly imposed "cap" on medicare benefits, this cap was implemented retrospectively and thus I was not informed about the imminent monetary end of physical therapy until I had reached the limit.  This abruptness  of course left little time to tie up any loose ends and make as smooth a transition away from my "physical therapy family" as I would have liked.

As 2013 fast approaches I am not sure if I am going back to therapy at all. There is very little left to do except for an occasional review of my progress or lack there of, and the encouragement that ostensibly I need. To be perfectly honest, I am not working as diligently toward walking on those short legs as I should or could be. I guess over the course of time I am realizing how daunting this task before actually is. I realize that everyone gets discouraged from time to time but I am wondering if the effort necessary to walk on those short legs is really worth all the energy I expend.

The roommate drama continues as I search for a suitable candidate, something that I thought would be a no brainer has turned out to be quite a challenge, not to speak of the financial hardship of not having someone to share living expenses poses for me in my life.

My friend, Steve told me he thought I was one of the most positive persons he knew, according to him I am always finding the good in people. While I will admit I do think most people are good deep within their souls, I have found  that some persons disguise that innate goodness pretty well. I think after having reread what I have written thus far, it does not sound all that positive.

I guess it is now safe to say I have made it two years without a hospital stay, something I have not been able to say for quite a few years. If that is not a reason to be happy and thankful than I don' t know what is. It was a little over two years ago that I lost my second leg.

Every year it seems I look forward to greener pastures, hoping and visualizing good things for everyone in the coming year and this year is no different. I think sometimes rather than dwelling on what was not accomplished in the past year we should focus on what was accomplished and realize that if I can still write these words and you can still read them than we should rejoice in those facts and let the new year unfold such as it will.

Happy and Blessed New Year to Everyone.

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