The Importance of Creativity

I have written previously about the importance of having a pastime to help you deal with the problems you may encounter in your life. For me, my pastime, my passion, has always been creating art, specifically painting on canvas. Pictured above is a my latest painting called, "Cape Cod Beach."

Having a hobby or pastime is especially important if you are disabled because we have already suffered some type of loss and there is a need to cling to the things we are still able to do. Fortunately for me the loss of my legs did not affect my ability to paint, something I have enjoyed doing for many years.

Having a creative outlet can give our lives meaning, occupy our minds, help us utilize our time productively and generally contribute to our mental well being.  Some may say they do not have any creativity but it is my belief that creativity is an innate quality we all possess. Sometimes it is just a matter of discovering what that particular creativity is and developing skill in that area.

For me personally painting has always been a means of escaping a world that can be wrought with disappointments and worries. When I paint I forget about my problems and I can immerse myself in a world where anything is possible; I can create whatever I want. One of the reasons I enjoy painting landscapes is that I can paint for myself almost a fantasy world where I am surrounded by beauty.

Not only has my artistic ability brought me great joy and self satisfaction, it has been a spiritual experience for me also; I feel closer to God when I paint. Through the loss of my legs there have been many uncertain moments and my art has sustained me throughout all of the uncertainty and helped me remain grounded and focused.

Seeking out and ultimately finding an outlet to help give your life direction is paramount to maintaining happiness and fulfillment. If you have suffered loss, and we all have to a greater or lesser extent, pouring your energy into something constructive will always benefit you in the long run.

Creativity can take many forms, mine happens to be painting, however, it can be writing, cooking, dancing, singing, volunteering, anything that takes the pressure off of your life at least temporarily. Having an outlet to release pressure allows you the mental space to think clearly and proceed to the next step in your life, which will bring you closer to the contentment we are all seeking.

Recently I was given the opportunity to send some of my artwork to be viewed by persons attending a charity event and hopefully be purchased. So now not only have I indulged myself in my passion of painting but have the additional benefit of potentially making money from having done so. It doesn't get much better than that.

If you are an amputee, like myself, I urge you to find your own personal method of expressing your creativity. You will be amazed at how much it will uplift your life.

Another outlet that has greatly benefited  my life is to focus on physical exercise. Physical exercise is  immeasurably advantageous to promote not only your physiological well being but your mental state as well.

 Not surprisingly the writing of this blog is yet another method I have utilized to express my feelings and as a result been a cathartic release for me.

I have never really looked at it this way before this very moment, but I guess you could say the very process of finding creative outlets is and of itself creative. How about that?

Practicalities

I had another great workout at the RIC gym, thanks in part to yet another volunteer named Ashley. She like a couple of other volunteers are actually fitness instructors, needless to say I utilized her expertise to my best advantage. She worked me really hard and my muscles were sore as a result.

I am trying to figure out a way to go to the gym more often, I can only go two days a week; and those are the two weekdays, my assistant, Frank, works. There is a para transit bus/van system here that is designed to transport people with special needs. I have filled out an application and still need to schedule and appointment to be officially qualified to use this para transit system.

By utilizing para transit, I will be able to go to RIC gym four to five days a week. Para transit costs $3 each direction, so if I go two days using the system it will be $12 a week, three days would be $18 a week. That may not seem like much but when you multiply it times four weeks, it becomes an additional expense.

Nonetheless, at this stage using  the para transit bus/van and having my assistant take me two days a week, seems like the most viable and most economical plan. I could drive myself but then I have the hassle of loading and unloading my wheelchair, the cost of gas, and it is $10 per day to park, even with the parking validation from the gym, out of the question.

I guess having to figure out all of the logistics of this gym thing is and of itself a good thing, at least I am now going out into the public more and working out at an actual gym, something I have not done in over two years.

It is great to be doing exercises again that I have unable replicate at home like the smith machine. Now I realize that some of my readers may disagree with using the smith machine at all, and I can't say I blame them, however, given my circumstances, I am at least going to start out on the smith machine and within the next couple of weeks I will switch to using the barbell for bench presses.

The point is I have not been able to bench press using any type of barbell be it on the smith machine or a free weight, I was relegated to dumb bell presses because I was working out at home. Now my world has opened back up again, thanks to my eventual decision to join the RIC gym.

As I have been discussing off an on over the past two years, learning to live life as a bilateral amputee takes time. Unlike my buddy, Bruce, I have not been surrounded by like minded amputees who know the importance of staying strong both physically and mentally.

Fortunately for myself, I never gave up on working out and have kept a work out routine going at home, by myself, with relatively good results, of course it is never good enough. Now, however, after going back to a gym I am demonstrating to myself, that even though I have lost both legs, I am not going to let the rest of my body go as well.

Can you feel the revitalized vigor in my writing? I hope my words convey as powerfully as my actual conviction is about being back at the gym again. Another heartfelt thank you to my friend, Bruce for his words of encouragement and his belief in me, which means so much considering he is also a bilateral AK amputee. He understands fully the amount of energy and dedication it takes to accomplish these tasks without the benefit of either leg or either knee.

It is true that you may not feel like working as much on some days as you do on others, but always be mindful of the fact that you are able to work out at all and what a great void not being able to work out would be in your life, at least for people like us.

I realize not everyone is like me but if you are a fellow amputee; and love to work out, I am telling you there is always a way to do most things that we used to take for granted and do so easily.

The biggest hurdle is finally making the commitment to yourself  to venture out beyond your comfort zone and follow through on your conviction.

There is much to be gained and little to nothing to be lost, be brave, be strong and be happy.

*To leave a comment hit the comment button below or to reach me personally write to: glennartinc@yahoo.com

RIC Gym Experiences

Well now I have been to the Rehabilitation Institute of Chicago (RIC) gym three times and it has been an eye opening and positive experience. I know of many people who look at going to the gym as a dreaded but necessary action needed to stave off excess weight, help promote good health or any of a number of other reasons.

As we know I have always enjoyed going to the gym, working out, and feeling good about having done so. The obstacles that many of the RIC gym patrons must overcome just to get to the facility speaks volumes about their conviction toward working out.

I had some misgivings about going to the RIC gym,  not the least of which  a myriad of excuses as to why it was so difficult. With the encouragement of my friend, Bruce, I finally decided enough with the excuses, bit the bullet, and went.

I will admit that RIC gym does not have all of the equipment or machines I am accustomed to having at Cheetah Gym, however, the equipment they do have is adapted for use for by people with special circumstances. Things like swing out seats that allow you to perform exercises while seated in a wheelchair.

It will take some time before I learn all of the necessary adaptations I need to utilize the equipment to my best advantage. I am confident that over time I will adapt and this gym will be an even more rewarding experience that it has already proved to be.

It is a truly inspiring place with patrons suffering from a wide array of various disabilities. There are people who are morbidly obese, stroke victims, multiple wheelchair users, a blind man, and those who appear to have suffered traumatic head injuries.

One gentleman I will call Jake, is truly inspiring, he is in a motorized wheelchair and has little control over the movement of his head, unable to look directly at you and his speech is somewhat distorted. This guy exercises five days a week, his main exercise is lifting a ten pound ball with handles on it, over his head, ostensibly to prevent his upper torso muscles from becoming atrophied.

Jake knows every one's name and is a real joy to be around, always happy and welcoming. I look at him and feel invited into his world  as he jokes, talks and spreads good positive vibrations throughout the entire gym, a true example of triumph over tragedy.

There is an older lady, perhaps sixty five or so, whom I believe has suffered a stroke, and I watch her out of the corner of my eye as she tries to lift a five pound bar above her head. Even though her "form" isn't great, it does not matter, she is trying with all that she has  to lift the bar. A testament to human resilience and dedicated determination.

I was in the locker room getting ready to leave when a gentleman was seated on a bench across from me began digging in earnest into his gym bag, searching for something. He asked me if I could see his socks anywhere, it was then I realized that he was blind. After giving him his socks which had fallen a couple of feet away from him, I asked if there was anything else I could do for him. He politely said no. I said between the two of us,  we make up one complete person. He asked me what I meant, I told him I was missing both of my legs, and with my eyes and his legs we would be a complete person.

He laughed and said at least you have not lost your sense of humor. I told him we have to keep our sense of humor, because sometimes the situations in which we find ourselves, despite our losses, are in fact, funny. He agreed and I left the gym with a smile on my face, happier than ever that I finally decided to go to the RIC gym.

*To leave a comment hit the comment button below, to write to me personally send to: glennartinc@yahoo.com

Gaining Momentum

It feels so good to have things to report that demonstrate my renewed conviction toward living my life more fully. As I stated in my last blog post, I have moved forward toward joining the Rehabilitation Institute of Chicago (RIC), this is a workout gym designed specifically for persons with disabilities.

It was through the encouragement from my new friend, Bruce, that led me to finally follow through on something I had been thinking of doing for over a year and a half. I am going to the gym for the first time in two years and I am looking forward to it with great anticipation and expectations.

Normally there is an evaluation process to determine what programs are suited to a particular person and their situation. A lot of people use RIC as a means of recovering from debilitating illnesses such as a stroke or learning how to deal with Parkinson's Disease and the like. However, as we know I have been working out at home for the two past years, and after having spoken to the RIC manager we determined that such an evaluation would not be necessary in my circumstance.

So, I will be going to RIC as a gym patron. I have decided that I will be wearing my short legs to the gym, as the long legs (C-legs) could prove to be a hindrance rather than an aid. As you may recall, about this time last year I was so self conscious about being seen in those legs that at first I would not even wear them into the physical therapy gym, instead remaining in the exam room. Eventually I wore them out into the physical therapy gym, similarly, it has followed throughout other areas of my life.

Now I have decided that I will wear the short legs from the onset at this new gym. In the not so distant past, I would wear the C-legs and change into the short legs when I arrived, but not this time.

I really believe that the influence that my new mentor, Bruce, has had on me has made me rethink my entire approach to wearing the short legs and I am learning that this feeling of self-consciousness is a self inflicted constraint that I would be well served to discard.

Sometimes it takes time to develop a mindset that will allow you to realize you are only hurting your own progress by being overly concerned with how you look to others and that your own personal gains are what really matter in the scheme of your life. This mindset may come easily to some, take time for others and there are those who will never reach that point.

Anyway, I am finally at a point where I want my progress to supersede any other potentially disqualifying feelings of peculiarity and move forward toward my goals. I have been wearing these short legs almost continuously and now in front of people that in the past I may not have been willing to do so. I think that is progress.

My buddy, Bruce, said I should also on occasion walk on the longer legs, so that I am not out of practice. Guess what ? Too late. I walked about twenty feet and I thought I was going to die.

It is as if I am starting all over on the long legs because I have not been practicing walking in them as I should have been. Alas all is not lost as I will begin again, something I am quite accustomed to doing.

I am hoping that walking in the longer legs will be much like a person's muscle memory, it will come back readily and it will not like starting completely from scratch.

It is exciting this newly found momentum and I am determined to keep the ball rolling and in the course gain speed, moving ever closer to those goals and perhaps setting even higher ones for my future.

A quick shout out to Bruce for your continuous inspiration and encouragement, you are truly a brother. Thanks for taking the time to help me make the quality of my life better.

*To leave a comment hit the comment button below, to reach me personally write to: glennartinc@yahoo.com

Found Inspiration

If you are a follower on my blog you must have realized my last couple of posts have not been as uplifting or optimistic as they have been in the past.

As I explained in my last post, sometimes you reach a point where reality is not on par with what you had anticipated. As I have been trying to come to terms with my reality, I started searching on the Internet for other bilateral above knee amputees, to see if I could communicate with someone in a similar situation.

Believe it or not I located a gay man in California who is also a bilateral above knee (AK) amputee. My new friend is a Marine still serving but in a different capacity than before he was severely injured while serving this country, resulting in the loss of both of his legs both above the knee.

I am not sure he wants me to use his real name, so for the sake of anonymity I will call him Bruce. Bruce who became a double amputee in 2011, has already accomplished so much in his pursuit of walking again.

Bruce walks full time unaided on his "short legs" and can also walk almost always unaided in his full length C-legs (c is for computerized). Of course after having spoken with him on several occasions, I voiced my concern about my own progress or lack thereof.

Bruce told me, as I had already suspected, that the environment he was privy to was a rehab gym full of amputee war veterans. This group of heroic veterans were at a great advantage over me, in that they were inpatient men working together at the same time striving to reach the same common goals. In other words they were there for each other as a support system.

He assured me that if my circumstances were the same as his, that I too would be much further down my path than where I find myself. Bruce also cautioned me against making comparisons between two incomparable scenarios.

Bruce's ability to recover as fully as he has in more ways than just walking, has been a real concrete inspiration to me and my life circumstances. Finally I have spoken with someone who not only understands what I am going through, but also has been very encouraging to me as an individual.

In the past week I have already increased the amount I have been walking on my short legs, not dramatically but significantly and he told me he was proud that I have already made "strides" in the direction I want to go.

Bruce asked me if I drove my car while wearing my short legs. I said, Are you kidding? I have never even gotten into my car wearing those legs. Suffice it to say the next day I did just that, I walked on my short legs from my wheelchair to my car and after much trial and error, figured out a way to climb up and into my car. Next, I got out of my car and walked back to my wheelchair.

This new friend, Bruce, a bodybuilder, with an incredible physique, has now challenged me even further, advocating fully for me to return to the gym. I have asked him many questions about working out and he has done all of it in a public gym while wearing his short legs, incredible.

My new friend and now mentor, Bruce has come along in my life at just the perfect time and through his knowledge and encouragement, I feel rejuvenated.

I am not saying I will accomplish all that he has by tomorrow, but now I have someone with whom I can completely identify, who has also showed genuine interest in helping me help myself.

Please do not think I am slighting all of the professional clinicians who have already helped beyond words.

This however, is a fellow bilateral AK amputee and he is a gay man also. Who better to understand me, my fears, anxieties and self doubts than Bruce? In addition Bruce is a competitive bodybuilder with vast knowledge of what an amputee can expect to accomplish with respect to working out at the gym.

It is my hope that over time Bruce and I will establish a bond that can only be formed by people brought together through this common amputation and made stronger by our shared commonalities.

I realize I have not known this guy very long but I can already sense that he cares and is capable and more importantly willing to share his time and knowledge with me, just to make sure I live a happier and more satisfied life.

Without going into specific details Bruce has overcome so many losses in his life, not the least of which were the loss of both of his legs, to become a powerful force of life.

I like one of his mottoes that is a reflection of wearing short legs, "Half as tall, but twice as strong."

Thanks Bruce for your continued inspiration, it means so much.

*To leave a comment hit the comment but below, to contact me personally write to: glennartinc@yahoo.com

Number One Hundred

This is the the 100th blog post of my blogging history. One might think that I have some monumental announcement to make, but alas, not really.

Recently I have been having a difficult time coming up with material to write, this is not the usual with me but it could be for several reasons. Since I no longer participate in physical therapy I have less interaction with other people than I had before, hence less stories with which to amuse myself and my readers.

It  should also not be surprising that  I have a tendency to write things from an optimistic point of view and as of late that optimism has become somewhat elusive. I am not saying that I am wallowing in the pit of despair but I  guess you could say reality has set in and I am not sure I am going to be able to attain some of the goals I set forth two years ago. I guess a more appropriate approach is that things are more realistic than they were two years ago.

I am at a point in this whole leg loss scenario where I have a more true perspective of what I am actually physically capable of achieving. Coming to terms with the reality in one's life is sometimes disillusioning, seeing and living things as they unfold and making evaluations about what is achievable and not, can leave you disappointed.

This may not really be disappointment, but rather reality bringing you to place where you never thought you would be. I am not saying I am giving up on this walking thing but putting these glorious words into practice is a whole different ballgame. A realization I came to meet some time ago was that this is a whole lot of work and I am not completely convinced I am up for the task.

I can now more fully understand and appreciate why people relegate themselves to just taking the easy way out. It is much easier to roll around in your wheelchair than it is to attempt to walk on prosthetics. I cannot believe I am actually writing these words but it is how I feel about the situation right now.

Perhaps I have some misplaced notion that other people will be disappointed in me or some other convoluted idea that I am lazy and unwilling to put forth the effort required to achieve goals I have set forth for myself. Whatever the reason, I am currently unenthusiastic about my eventual ability to actually walk for any extended length of time.

It could very well be that people in situations similar to mine go through this and because I have nothing to compare it to, I just don't realize this is a normal reaction and may or may not change in the future. Questions I ask myself include: Am I working as hard as I should be? Can I really improve my ability to walk for an extended period? Are these small mini walks all I am capable of doing or all I can expect to accomplish? Am I being too hard on myself? The list goes on and on.

Whatever the future holds for me I must cling to the notion that I am doing the best that I can do and learn to be satisfied with my accomplishments. After all I am still a self-sustaining individual capable of taking take of myself and maintaining  a home on my own.

No matter what happens in my future I am ever vigilant of the blessings I still have, my home, my family, my friends and my ability to seek and find reasons to be thankful and happy. Perhaps I should just lighten up a little and learn to go with the flow of my life, taking things in stride and remembering that small voice I hear from time to time that says, "The best of your life is yet to come."

*To leave a comment click the button below to reach me personally write to: glennartinc@yahoo.com

Ups and Downs

Usually when I decide to write a blog post, the words flow forth somewhat easily. I think for a day or two about what it is I want to write and then write my thoughts down in a notebook first, reworking things as I see fit.

I have not written anything yet this year, this is the first post of 2013. I have attempted to write a couple of times this year but I did not like what I had written or it seemed like a hodge podge of jumbled thoughts or words.

Through the past almost two years I have tried to write on the average of once a week, sometimes more often a little less. Of course we have all heard of writer's block, a seeming inability to come up with interesting and tangible thoughts or ideas.

I have tried to make sure my blog is filled with uplifting thoughts, something I hope makes the reader feel good, thankful, and grateful for the things they find in their own lives.

In spite of the things I have written and wholeheartedly believe, in the past couple of years, I am having a really heard difficult time being  positive about myself and my life. Normally I would never write while in my present state of mind, but I have heard that writing can be a good way of alleviating stress, so here I am writing to you.

I realize all that I have for which to be thankful, but the last couple of weeks it has been unusually difficult for me to maintain my generally positive attitude toward my life. Everything seems to be weighing me down. Usually I can shrug things off fairly easily but recently I can't seem to see the sun because of the incessant and gray clouds covering the light I can usually more easily access.

Sometimes I wonder how I ever found my life in such a state as it seems to be in at this point. As I have mentioned in other posts sometimes I sit in my wheelchair and I watch people walking by. I marvel at the ease with which they take their steps, oblivious to the fact the the ability to walk is such a marvelous part of life, an oblivion I was also in before the loss of my legs.

I feel as if life is passing right before me and I am merely a spectator observing others as they go about living their lives. I greatly dislike the feelings of being a nonparticipating functioning part of living life.

I know you may cringe when I propose this question but here goes, did you ever ask yourself, "If I were gone tomorrow, who's life would be affected on a  daily basis without my presence?"

Sure I have been blessed with family and friends and I am eternally grateful for each and every one of them, but who would genuinely be affected by my absence? I suspect if we were honest about it, not many.

I guess it is normal to feel down from time to time especially when you have experienced the types of monumental losses that have affected my life. Now don't go and get all psychoanalytic on me, I am not suicidal or anything and I am not wallowing in the depths of despair, simply posing a question that I have experienced through the loss of friends in my own life.

A couple of weeks ago I started crying when I was looking at a pair of Grinch lounge pants (you know the Suess character who stole Christmas) that I received for Christmas from my sister, Rhonda. I had a pair of similar Grinch lounge pants several years ago, given to me by my best friend, Kevin. I loved those pants so much I wore them until they had holes in them and had to be throw away. Rhonda knew how much I liked them, hence the new pair.

Why did I cry a few days later when I looked at the new pair? I cried because it brought back memories of how much I have lost. I no longer wear lounge pants and slippers as I used to do.

You see when you wear prosthetic limbs, legs in particular, they are worn for two main reasons, to walk or stand and to camouflage the loss of your legs. There is no such thing as lounging while wearing prosthetic legs.

My tears were tears of grief over the  loss of my legs and also my friend, Kevin who passed away from cancer almost eight years ago. Of course Rhonda would never deliberately do anything to make me cry, she had no idea, nor did I, that those lounge pants would evoke such a response.

You are probably wondering why I am writing all of this, I am writing this because this is how I feel at this moment. Sorry if this is not my usual happy, optimistic, glass half full self, readers are accustomed reading in my blog. No one can be positive one hundred percent of the time and though it is not usually my state of mind, it is however, a part of life.

No one needs to tell me to look on the bright side, things could be worse, or count my blessings. I already know and for the most part live my life from those areas and those realizations, but today, in fact, for the past couple of weeks I have not been in that state.

I suppose this may have been a downer to read but guess what? My life is a downer a lot of the time. I guess I am not coming from a good place right now and if I waited until I was in a better place to write this post, who knows when that might be?

Life is full of ups and downs and being a honest and upfront writer means sharing both good and bad days with you and I feel privileged to know you have taken the time to read my words, be they optimistic or even not so optimistic.

Things will be better the next time I write but thanks for stopping by anyway.

*To leave a comment click the comment area below, to write me personally I can be reached at: glennartinc@yahoo.com