Year End Review

I am sitting at my sister and brother-in-law's house looking at a howling blizzard outside, and I am thinking how lucky I am to be safe and secure in this beautiful place. As always we had a wonderful and crazy Christmas. The wrapping paper was flying as everyone was opening their gifts, certainly a reason to be thankful that we have all been so blessed.

In keeping with that spirit, I thought I would write about some of the highs and lows of the past year. As each year passes I am mindful of the ever increasing longevity of my friendships and how important my friendships are to my overall happiness. I also have become increasingly cognizant of the impermanence of almost everything in our lives and the need to appreciate  who we have in our lives while we have them.

Each year we add to the cherished memories we create as the years quickly pass. Unfortunately I lost two friends to cancer in this past year. First my friend of 23 years, Shawn Daly, I have written about him on several occasions and certainly could not have let this year end review pass by without mentioning this monumental loss. I still have his last two voice mail messages on my cellphone so that I can remember his voice. I will never forget all the times this guy made me laugh at his insane antics and of course the cruise we took together.

The second loss of a friend in 2012, is someone who  I actually lost a couple of years before she passed, there was a lack of communication between the two of us that resulted in her choosing to part ways and thus ending our friendship. This was a particularly difficult situation for me because I was not made aware of her cancer diagnosis and so I did not participate in her final years. Now I understand that her dying is about her and not about me, however, I loved her and would like to have demonstrated my love and support to her  because of the mutual love and friendship we once shared. I have been mourning the loss of our friendship for a couple of years but her passing just finalized something I had hoped could have been remedied. She will be greatly missed by me.

I stopped physical therapy in October of this year because of a newly imposed "cap" on medicare benefits, this cap was implemented retrospectively and thus I was not informed about the imminent monetary end of physical therapy until I had reached the limit.  This abruptness  of course left little time to tie up any loose ends and make as smooth a transition away from my "physical therapy family" as I would have liked.

As 2013 fast approaches I am not sure if I am going back to therapy at all. There is very little left to do except for an occasional review of my progress or lack there of, and the encouragement that ostensibly I need. To be perfectly honest, I am not working as diligently toward walking on those short legs as I should or could be. I guess over the course of time I am realizing how daunting this task before actually is. I realize that everyone gets discouraged from time to time but I am wondering if the effort necessary to walk on those short legs is really worth all the energy I expend.

The roommate drama continues as I search for a suitable candidate, something that I thought would be a no brainer has turned out to be quite a challenge, not to speak of the financial hardship of not having someone to share living expenses poses for me in my life.

My friend, Steve told me he thought I was one of the most positive persons he knew, according to him I am always finding the good in people. While I will admit I do think most people are good deep within their souls, I have found  that some persons disguise that innate goodness pretty well. I think after having reread what I have written thus far, it does not sound all that positive.

I guess it is now safe to say I have made it two years without a hospital stay, something I have not been able to say for quite a few years. If that is not a reason to be happy and thankful than I don' t know what is. It was a little over two years ago that I lost my second leg.

Every year it seems I look forward to greener pastures, hoping and visualizing good things for everyone in the coming year and this year is no different. I think sometimes rather than dwelling on what was not accomplished in the past year we should focus on what was accomplished and realize that if I can still write these words and you can still read them than we should rejoice in those facts and let the new year unfold such as it will.

Happy and Blessed New Year to Everyone.

*To leave a comment hit the comment tab below, to reach  me personally write me at: glennartinc@yahoo.com

Evaluating Our Priorities

Not unlike the rest of the nation who is still reeling in the wake of yesterday's horrific tragedy, I was deeply affected by the senseless loss of life.

I am not going to rant and rave about the gun laws and lack of control our nation seems to be so apathetic about changing, instead, I am going to talk about keeping our priorities straight and evaluating the prospective we have about our own individual lives.

It is so easy to get lost in the maze of our own  seemingly endless problems. We forget from time to time what is really important. We get preoccupied in everyday trivialities, which upon closer examination and when weighed against what is really important, seem petty and sometimes even meaningless.

We forget the joy of a child's smiling face, the hug from a close friend, the comfort we feel when surrounded by those whom we love and who love  us. This heinous act which was perpetrated upon innocent children and loving, dedicated educators is a sobering reminder that we should pay closer attention and show more appreciation to people we love.

It is never known in advance what lays ahead around the next bend in our lives, consequently, perhaps we should try to be more conscientious about telling and showing those whom we love how much they really mean to us.

We get wrapped up in the business of living and sometimes take for granted that those who are in our lives will always be there. If everyone would tell at least one other person every day that they love them, that they are proud of them, and that they appreciate them, our world would be so much more of a loving place in which to live.

When I think about those children whose lives were snuffed out in the blink of an eye, I want to cry. I want to cry for what could have and should have been.

Let us all reexamine our priorities to determine what is really important in our lives, remembering that love and life are what our real priorities should be.

I am as guilty as  anyone of getting caught up in my own world of problems and not remembering to tell my family and friends how much they mean to me and how much better my life is because they are a part of it.

I hope that many lessons will be learned through the loss of all of those innocent lives yesterday and that we as people collectively will change whatever needs to be changed, be it laws, attitudes, societal tolerance, or restraint to curtail if not totally eliminate further needless bloodshed.

Today is the day and now is the time to change our priorities, demonstrate  our love for each other not only through our words but also through our actions. Each of us have the capacity to evoke change and the first step is to exemplify our reverence for life itself and every one's inalienable right to live happy and fulfilling lives.

May God bless those children and teachers who lives were stolen from them yesterday and may God's strength and peace be with the family and friends of those who have suffered such an inconceivable loss. Amen.

Weird Blog Comments

For the past few months I have been receiving weird blog comments, always by an anonymous person. The comments usually pay some arbitrary or generic compliment, followed by a web page or other blog they would like for me to visit.

I visited a few of them and they have absolutely nothing to do with my blog post. Could it be that some word contained within the title of my particular blog post prompted a person searching on google to my site? If that is the case, than why would this be happening all of a sudden?

A few months ago I received a blog comment on the post I titled, "Utilizing All of Your Tools" the comment said, "Alle denken immer nur das Eine." I had a friend of mine translate it from the German it was written in, to English. The translation is, "Some people only think of themselves." What is that supposed to mean?

If anyone has any insight as to why this has been happening please share that information with me. It is a little irritating to me that these unrelated and irrelevant comments are being sent to me.

My blog was designed to be informative and hopefully uplifting, not used as a means to promote or increase the Internet traffic on another blog or website that is not connected with my blog topic or concerned with life as an amputee.

While I am on the subject of blog comments, I think there has been some confusion as to how a comment is posted on my blog site. If you would like to leave a comment, you enter it in the comment section following the blog post. If you want your comment to appear at the end of my blog, after entering the comment, hit the word publish and it will be printed in the comment box for other blog visitors to read.

The comment box at the end of a blog post serves two purposes; first, to give me, the author, some feedback from you, the reader, and secondly, by publishing your comment, I then have the opportunity to respond to you comments.

This back and forth dialogue is something I have always hoped would happen but has never actually caught on. Does all of this make sense?

There is a blog forum associated with "blogspot.com" and I guess I should pose these questions to the forum to see if others have experienced similar occurrences.

I am only writing these things because I am hoping these arbitrary comments will stop, which is not to say that I do not value reader's comments, on the contrary, I highly value the comments my readers take the time to write.

I enjoy reading the comments sent to me, both positive and negative. It gives me a sense of accomplishment knowing that people feel the words I share about my experiences as a bilateral amputee have meaning and are relevant.

This blog was meant not only to be informative but to also help people understand my life as I go through it as an amputee. Ultimately, I hope this blog serves as words of encouragement  to others who may not be an amputee per se, but looking for a new perspective on how to interpret  life's circumstances and learn to live as happy and positive a life as possible.

Thank you.

*Please leave your comments below or to write to personally at: glennartinc@yahoo.com

What Lies Ahead?

It was two years ago at this time I was cruising the Caribbean with my friend Shawn, his sister, Lisa and her husband Dan. I remember before I went on that trip I had a little trepidation because of the loss of my right leg.

Even though I was going to the gym, driving around, and a lot of other things, I remember being a little apprehensive about the whole cruise ship thing. My sister Rhonda said, "Are you crazy? This is a trip of a lifetime, if you don't go, I will." I also sought and received a lot of positive words from my friend Ruthie, who has been on several cruises.

Obviously I went on the 10 day trip and I had a great time. It was one of, if not the only time in my life, I didn't know what day of the week it was, what time of day it was, I didn't know the date and I didn't care, that's relaxation.

I have written in past blog posts about my friend Shawn. Shawn was about a year and a half into his cancer diagnosis and he was doing reasonably well, all things considered. I remember, as I had anticipated, we had a couple of heart to heart conversations. One conversation in particular has really stayed with me. Suffice it to say the upshot of our talk ended up with Shawn crying, telling me he did not want to die.

Little did I know that this would be the last vacation I ever took when I still had one natural leg. Shortly after we returned from our trip, about two weeks, I got the final blow that ended up with my losing my left leg. Many times I had thought about what would happen to me if I lost the one remaining natural leg I had left (excuse the pun). I had no idea the loss of this second leg was so imminent.

Recently I found out about the death of a person who at one time in my life, I considered to be a very good and close friend. Out of respect for her and her family she shall remain nameless in this post. This woman was someone who prided herself on the care she took of her physical body. She was a vegetarian all of her life, she excercised religiously, she never smoked, took drugs or was ever overweight.

This past October she died of pancreatic cancer at the age of 57.

Now I know you might be thinking why is he writing about all of these things? What is the connection?

My point is who would have known two years ago at this time, I would lose two friends to cancer and lose my second leg?

I am glad we are not able to see into the future, knowing in advance what lay ahead for us. I think life is designed that way because it is nature's way of letting us continue down our respective paths unobstructed by the sometimes cruel twists of fate that lay in our future.

By the same token, we also do not know the joys that lay ahead either. I have heard people say I wish I would have known that was going to happen in advance, so that I could have prevented this or that.

I think nature or God has it correct, we should not know of the pain or of the joy that lay ahead so that we try to live today for today's sake.

Do you think I would have enjoyed my 10 day cruise knowing that two weeks after I returned I was going to lose my second leg? Do you think my two friends who both succumbed to cancer would have fought as hard as they both did if they knew for sure it was a hopeless endevour? I don't think so.

A lot of my blog posts have the same underlying themes but are expressed differently. Two of those themes are: stay in the moment and appreciate what you have while you have it. I think those themes keep reoccurring because they are truths and things always revert back to the truth.

You never know what lies around the bend, and I for one am glad not knowing. How about you?

*To leave a comment hit the comment button below, to reach me personally write me at: glennartinc@yahoo.com



  

Thanksgiving

With Thanksgiving Day just a couple of days from now, I thought I would express some of my thoughts about being thankful.

I try to express my thanks for all that I have been given on a regular basis. I remember over five years ago I was praying to God that my name might be selected to receive this condo. I told God in my prayer that if I was given the opportunity to receive this home I would never take it for granted.

My prayer stated that I would thank Him/Her for this blessing each and every day. In the morning when I wheel myself into the main living area of my home, I look around and immediately thank God for my beautiful surroundings.

It is easy to get caught in a cycle of always wanting more, wanting bigger, wanting better, wanting more expensive, sometimes we need to stop, observe, and appreciate all that we already have and have been blessed to receive.

Some may wonder, given all that I have been through with the loss of both of my legs, what do I have to be thankful for? Actually the list is too long to even begin to write here.

As I have written before, my friend Michelle McKinney Hammond said to me in the hospital, after the loss of my second leg, "Through great losses come great blessings." I have never forgotten her precious words. What Michelle said is true, the loss I have suffered physically has afforded me the time to reflect upon my situation, and I have chosen to see the good where one might find only hardship and dispair.

The personal strength I found within myself was certainly God sent and I am ever so grateful for having found it.

I am not saying that my life is not difficult, because it is, however, dwelling on what is so terrible does not lend itself to leading a happy and productive life.

The people who are currently in my life, and some who are no longer in my life, have each demonstrated their love and compassion for me throughout the entire ordeal of losing my legs, and most continue to do so.

How can I not be thankful for such wonderful family and friends? There are so many other possible scenarios that could have been so much worse for me than where I find myself today, physically, psychologically, and spiritually.

I am not hungry, I am not homeless, and I am not alone. I could have chosen to live a life of regrets, filled my days with wondering what could or should have been, driving myself crazy with feelings of guilt or living life in the past, however, I chose not to live that way.

We as individuals owe God and ourselves praise and thanksgiving for all that we now have and all that we will ever have.

As the holiday season is upon us, let us renew our appreciation for life itself and all of the opportunities we have to seek and find happiness and be thankful for our ability to do so.

Happy Thanksgiving to everyone today and every day.

*To leave a comment click the comment button below, to contact me personally, write me at: glennartinc@yahoo.com

Finding the Humor

I remember the first time I walked into Cheetah Gym after losing my right leg. I went to the gym before my prosthetic leg had even been constructed, using a walker and my one natural leg.

Another gym patron, named Whitley, saw me and said, presumably as a joke, "it looks like you lost something." If looks could kill, he would be dead now, I shot him a look of anger, disbelief and disgust. I then proceeded to tell him I did not think this whole thing was a joking matter. I continued to say in a very hostile manner, even if I wanted to hear jokes about my loss it would not be from the likes of someone like him, practically a stranger to me and obviously not a friend.

Well that occurred over four years ago and I am now able to see some of the humor in my situation. Finding humor and laughing about your predicament can really help to alleviate some of the stress you may feel and some of the uneasiness people feel when confronted with the disabled.

Just recently, I was talking to my sister, Rhonda, and she was about to tell me something really exciting so she said, "Are you sitting down?" We both laughed because a great deal of the time I am seated in my wheelchair.

In another conversation she and I were having, I was telling her about a friend of mine who is about to undergo a second knee  replacement. Rhonda said, "I sure hope that doesn't happen to me." I responded that I knew it would never ever have to worry about knee replacements, again we both laughed about the irony of the situation.

My friend Ruthie and I have also had some humorous moments regarding my leg losses. One time she was here visiting, shortly after the loss of my first leg, when she overheard a phone conversation I was having, when for whatever reason, I said to the person I was talking to, "but I don't have a leg to stand on." Ruthie started laughing and I asked why are you laughing? She said think about what you just said.

Just the other day I was telling Ruthie about the loss of yet another friend of mine to cancer. I was explaining that I have a photograph of three people, two of whom have died of cancer, leaving only me. She said," I don't mean to be disrespectful and excuse the pun but are you the last man standing?" Forgive me if it sounds a little sick to find humor is such a scenario but the way she phrased it was funny, and we both laughed.

Lets  face it when I am standing on those short legs which are completely disproportionate to my long torso and arms, it is funny looking, no two ways about it.

What has changed for me has been my ability to go with the flow, not get caught up in the seriousness of my condition, but rather see the humor in some of the things that are said or happen.

One of my closest friends, Steve, has said to me on numerous occasions, regarding someone who I had been having a rocky romantic relationship, "How hard is it to walk on eggshells without any legs?"

It goes on and on but you get my drift. I am  now able to see humor, where there once was self-consciousness and embarrassment, I can laugh about it most of the time.

If I had to choose between laughing and crying about my unfortunate leg losses, I am glad I chose laughter.

After all they say, "Laughter is the best medicine." and besides I have saved a fortune on shoes and socks.

*To leave a comment hit the comment section below, to contact me personally, write to me at: glennartinc@yahoo.com

Happiness

If you are not happy with the way things are now, you will never be happy. Happiness can be elusive, something you are always seeking but somehow never finding. It is easy to find things to be unhappy about, your looks, your finances, your weight, your lack of accomplishment, the list is endless.

I have had people say to me that they are amazed at how happy I seem to be. Usually I answer by saying, "Really?" Do you think so?

My friend Steve said to me yesterday that are so many people who have lives that seem to be less troubled than yours and yet they seem to be more unhappy than he says I appear to be.


Certainly we all have varying degrees of happiness depending on what is going on in our lives at any particular moment. I do try to be a happy person most of the time. I tend to shy away from thoughts of self-pity and of focussing on what I do not have or have lost.

Things are the way they are. We can only do the best that we can given the circumstances in which  we find ourselves. For me, happiness is not that difficult to achieve. I make a conscious effort to be happy about the good in my life.

Currently I am happy about finding a roommate after an exhaustive five month search. Even though my new roommate, Drew, will only be here for six months, it will give me much needed financial relief, that makes me happy.

I am happy to have such a beautiful condo and I am thrilled that despite the loss of both of my legs I am able to live independently.

What brings me the greatest happiness is the love and support I receive from my family and friends.  My life would be so much different if I didn't have a family who I knew I can count on to always be here for me.

I have written many times about the importance of friendship in my life. I do not think the quality I find in my life would be nearly as fulfilling and satisfying without the continued support of my friends.

Anyone could easily find reasons not to be happy and wallow in a pit of how awful their lives are, I choose not to do that, even though with the loss of my legs it would very easy to do.

I want to be a happy person and so I seek and find reasons to be happy. When this whole leg loss nightmare reared it's ugly head, I knew I could be aimed toward a life of difficulty, self-pity and potential unhappiness.

Granted, my life has had its share of difficulty but somehow I have always had a flame of hope that has continued to flicker.

No one is ever happy 100% of the time, but we do have some control of our personal happiness.

Do I think some people are predisposed to being happier than others? Possibly, there do seem to be individuals who see the positive aspect of situations more readily than others. However, I think  we could all invest time in trying to be more positive about our lives.

Some people have told me that I live in a PollyAnna world, seeing the world through rose colored glasses. It is true I have a tendency to see the good in people and situations, if I can.

As I have demonstrated through the writing of this blog over the past nearly two years, I also feel discouragement, impatience, disappointment, and host of other negative emotions. What I try not to do is get locked into those emotions foe an extended period of time.

I feel that if I want to deal successfully with being a bilateral transfemerol amputee, I must continue down a path that is optimistic, always searching for and finding a little bit of happiness along the way.


If that is being a PollyAnna than so be it, I am happy to fulfill that role....I think it beats the alternative.

*To leave a comment please hit the comment button below, to reach me personally, write to me at: glennartinc@yahoo.com