When presented with a difficult, or even life altering event, you have several choices about how to deal with these occurrences. Change, especially changes perceived to be for the worse, present to us a choice about how to deal with our new circumstances.
One of the many choices we may choose is resistance. If we resist the newly unfolding change, it can sometimes make a difficult happenstance even worse. Early on in my leg loss I chose not resist the inevitable reality that presented itself to me, instead I resolved that I would demonstrate resilience.
After the loss of my first leg, I was determined to get my life back on track to the best of my ability. Of course after having lost a leg I realized my life would never be as it was before, however, I knew with a lot of work and determination that I could still maintain a good and fairly normal quality of life.
Unfortunately after having attained what I felt was a manageable quality of life, I lost my second leg. The loss of my second leg was a traumatic setback for me. Once again I was presented with a choice of resistance versus resilience. We all know I chose resilience.
My continued "bounce back" however was plagued with difficulties much more overwhelming than the loss of just one leg. Now I no longer had my natural remaining leg to rely upon to help me compensate for the loss of the other leg.
Being a bilateral above knee amputee is a multifaceted problem. Not having my natural knee component in either leg meant I would no longer be able to "push up" with my knee to lift me out of a chair, to lift me up to the next step on a staircase, or to control my prosthetic foot while driving.
Fifteen months after the loss of my second leg, I am still learning new ways to do a lot of things that were much easier when I still had one good leg. My current and lifelong challenge heretofore will and has involved a lot of physical therapy and different techniques to help me to learn to walk again.
Even though I realize that my resisting the challenges presented before me are disadvantageous to my progress, my mind can't help but wander back to the time when I still had the one good leg to rely upon for help.
Maintaining my resolve to walk again has been wrought with self doubt and questioning my ability to accomplish the task presented before me. Can I do it? Will I do it?
I am fortunate in that I have maintained physical strength in my upper body through daily exercise and weight lifting. This physical strength has proved to be invaluable. My ability to maintain my independence, to keep my condo, and take care of myself without having to rely on others for most of the activities I do on a daily basis, has hinged on my physical strength, and for that I am very grateful.
Resilience is a funny thing. Why are some people resilient and others much less so? I think it comes from a belief in yourself and a desire to remain autonomous. The degree to which you want to be able to do things for yourself will drive you to work harder to overcome obstacles in your life.
I do not want to give up any more independence than is absolutely necessary because my leg losses, or any monumental loss, is devastating enough in and of itself. Consequently, I strive in the midst of my losses to maintain not only my physical freedom but also my mental and spiritual freedoms as well.
I derive much satisfaction and happiness by exercising my ability to come back from seemingly overwhelming conditions. Our ability to observe ourselves in our situations and make an assessment about how to proceed in our life, helps us to seek and find the correct procedure to take that will bring about the most positive results.
If we resist what is, than how are we able to help ourselves? Resisting what is, creates a waste of our energy that robs us of the positivity necessary to become successful in the goals we set for ourselves.
I am as positive as possible about my future and I couple it with patience and perseverance thus giving me the tools I need to achieve what I set out to do.
My resolution to be resilient about my future has helped immensely, but I have not done it completely on my own. There is nothing wrong with leaning on family, friends and medical professionals for support, knowledge, and encouragement.
Last but certainly not least, I rely on my spiritual faith to carry me through. Knowing that God is always there for me and that despite all outward appearances, I am in fact never alone on my journey, gives me comfort.
Being securely grounded in that knowledge and truth gives me the continuous strength I need to carry on, for that I am eternally grateful.
If you would like to leave a comment, click the comment box, to write to me personally use my email address: glennartinc@yahoo.com
Saturday, March 31, 2012
Saturday, March 17, 2012
A Little of This a Little of That
Happy St.,Patrick's Day! Believe it or not I am up on the sun deck writing this blog on a sunny, breezy 70 degree in the middle of March
Today is the third day this week the weather has been warm and sunny enough for me to venture up to the sun deck. I guess more importantly I was able to climb all 19 steps to the roof and walk across the deck to my chaise lounge.
Of course I could not have done this, at least not yet, on my full legs, I donned my short legs to accomplish this task. So far none of my neighbors have seen me in these weird short legs and if they do, I will just deal with it. Sometimes in life we just have to do what we have to do to accomplish what is important to us.
Although I have made some strides (excuse the pun) toward being a little less self conscious about wearing these short legs, I am by no means prepared to wear them out in public, I doubt I ever will.
Remember when I mentioned walking up and down the stairs at physical therapy and the prosthetist's office? As I remembered, climbing up the stairs was much more difficult than descending down the stairs. This has not been the case the two previous times this week I have tackled the stairs.
I was so fatigued from descending down the stairs this week, much more so than climbing up the stairs, that it took ten minutes for my legs to recover. I guess I will let you know how my trip down goes on another blog as I am writing this before I go down the stairs.
Usually I try to stick to one subject per blog entry but today I also want to talk about Shawn's Memorial Service which took place last night.
The service went really well, all in all. We had a good turn out around thirty people and their were lots of stories about Shawn and his antics. I sensed that there was not enough credit given to Vini for his contribution to Shawn's happiness and for the extraordinary care given to Shawn by Vini from the beginning of his cancer three years ago until Shawn took his last breath.
I felt it was necessary and appropriate to mention to everyone at the memorial how much time, energy and love Vini had given Shawn. You know it's odd sometimes how credit is given to family members almost exclusively and very little is given to the person who spent the most time with Shawn, comforting him and cleaning up the messes that dying can cause.
I continued to explain that although all of our lives had been affected by Shawn's death, Vini's life was the most dramatically impacted by the loss of Shawn. After all Vini had quit his job to take care of Shawn at the end, he will also have to change residences, worry about buying a car, and the financial ramifications of Shawn's death are life changing for Vini.
After I had finished what I had to say, I wondered, only slightly, if I had said the right thing. Later a couple of people at the memorial approached me to tell what I had said was beautiful.
I know Vini is relieved the sevice is behind him and can feel good that he honored Shawn's life with grace and dignity. I made a promise to Shawn that I would be here for Vini not just today or tomorrow but for a very long time.
One of the most beneficial things to come out of Shawn's death is my new friendship with Vini.
It has been said that one of the true measures of a life well lived, is how much you were loved by others, if that is true, than my friend Shawn Daly lived an exceptional life.
To leave a comment click the comment button to write a more personal and private message to me send an email to: glennartinc@yahoo.com
Today is the third day this week the weather has been warm and sunny enough for me to venture up to the sun deck. I guess more importantly I was able to climb all 19 steps to the roof and walk across the deck to my chaise lounge.
Of course I could not have done this, at least not yet, on my full legs, I donned my short legs to accomplish this task. So far none of my neighbors have seen me in these weird short legs and if they do, I will just deal with it. Sometimes in life we just have to do what we have to do to accomplish what is important to us.
Although I have made some strides (excuse the pun) toward being a little less self conscious about wearing these short legs, I am by no means prepared to wear them out in public, I doubt I ever will.
Remember when I mentioned walking up and down the stairs at physical therapy and the prosthetist's office? As I remembered, climbing up the stairs was much more difficult than descending down the stairs. This has not been the case the two previous times this week I have tackled the stairs.
I was so fatigued from descending down the stairs this week, much more so than climbing up the stairs, that it took ten minutes for my legs to recover. I guess I will let you know how my trip down goes on another blog as I am writing this before I go down the stairs.
Usually I try to stick to one subject per blog entry but today I also want to talk about Shawn's Memorial Service which took place last night.
The service went really well, all in all. We had a good turn out around thirty people and their were lots of stories about Shawn and his antics. I sensed that there was not enough credit given to Vini for his contribution to Shawn's happiness and for the extraordinary care given to Shawn by Vini from the beginning of his cancer three years ago until Shawn took his last breath.
I felt it was necessary and appropriate to mention to everyone at the memorial how much time, energy and love Vini had given Shawn. You know it's odd sometimes how credit is given to family members almost exclusively and very little is given to the person who spent the most time with Shawn, comforting him and cleaning up the messes that dying can cause.
I continued to explain that although all of our lives had been affected by Shawn's death, Vini's life was the most dramatically impacted by the loss of Shawn. After all Vini had quit his job to take care of Shawn at the end, he will also have to change residences, worry about buying a car, and the financial ramifications of Shawn's death are life changing for Vini.
After I had finished what I had to say, I wondered, only slightly, if I had said the right thing. Later a couple of people at the memorial approached me to tell what I had said was beautiful.
I know Vini is relieved the sevice is behind him and can feel good that he honored Shawn's life with grace and dignity. I made a promise to Shawn that I would be here for Vini not just today or tomorrow but for a very long time.
One of the most beneficial things to come out of Shawn's death is my new friendship with Vini.
It has been said that one of the true measures of a life well lived, is how much you were loved by others, if that is true, than my friend Shawn Daly lived an exceptional life.
To leave a comment click the comment button to write a more personal and private message to me send an email to: glennartinc@yahoo.com
Saturday, March 10, 2012
Change
You know one of the most difficult aspects of my leg loss is sitting in my wheelchair looking through the sliding glass doors that lead to my balcony watching people walk by.
It bothers me on so many levels. First and foremost I miss walking. As we all know I am learning to walk or rather improving my ability to walk and making fairly good progress, however, I know it will never be the effortless casual walking a "normal" person does. Even though I don't dwell on those thoughts they still enter my mind and I wouldn't be human if I didn't wish this whole leg loss had never happened.
Another aspect of this loss I feel is that I will never look good in my clothes. This may sound vain and selfish but I miss trying on clothes or putting on something new and feeling like I look good in it.
Occasionally I have had thoughts about why I work so hard, to learn to walk, to drive, to lift weights, to take pride in my appearance, and for what?
Every time I start to feel those feelings I remember what my good friend Steve said to me, "Glenn you would feel even worse about yourself if you didn't work out or try as hard as possible to walk, it is just the type of person you are."
Steve is right about all of that, I do still care about my appearance, I will (am) still walk (ing) again and I do remain strong. Sometimes we slip into a a bit of "I wish it were this or that," "I wish that this had not happened," what if, what if, what if...
Life is not about what ifs, it is about reality. I constantly remind myself to stay in the present moment, after all the present moment is the only moment.
Presently I am writing this blog and I am thankful I have this outlet to express my inner most thoughts, to share my feelings and to understand myself through this writing.
When I look at my life, where I am, what I am doing, I can choose the way I feel about it. I could choose a path of self pity, poor me, or the path of jealousy, why did this happen to me? or they have such a great and easy life and my life is so hard.
Perhaps an even more destructive path might be alcoholism or drug addiction to soothe my pain and suffering.
These are just some of the paths that I could have chosen but I did not choose any of those paths. I chose to try to be as optimistic as possible about my future, paying particular attention to the good in my life.
Taking each day one at a time, staying as present as possible, has helped me to focus on the good in my life. Reminding myself of all of the wonderful people who are a part of my life, helping me, comforting me, reassuring me and loving me.
Things will never be the same as they were before my leg losses but that does not predispose me to unhappiness or failure. Life is all about change. These changes can be viewed as changes for the better, like losing weight, or changes for the worse, like losing our job.
When things change in our life we must learn to accept those changes and move on. Nothing is permanent in life, including life itself.
As I have said on many occasions, for change to be successful, it must be coupled with faith. Having faith that the outcome of any change will be beneficial to you in the long run, will help you work toward achieving the goals you set for yourself.
My life has changed dramatically in the last few years and it has taken some time to adjust to those changes. Aside from losing my legs, another change has occurred in my life, awareness. I am so much more aware of my blessings, my strength, the beauty in the world around us, and my own feelings.
Change can be something we dread and fear or it can be something we welcome knowing that contained within that change lies great blessings and knowledge that we may never have attained otherwise.
I have chosen the latter.
*To leave a comment simply click comment to write to me personally, my email address is: glennartinc@yahoo.com
It bothers me on so many levels. First and foremost I miss walking. As we all know I am learning to walk or rather improving my ability to walk and making fairly good progress, however, I know it will never be the effortless casual walking a "normal" person does. Even though I don't dwell on those thoughts they still enter my mind and I wouldn't be human if I didn't wish this whole leg loss had never happened.
Another aspect of this loss I feel is that I will never look good in my clothes. This may sound vain and selfish but I miss trying on clothes or putting on something new and feeling like I look good in it.
Occasionally I have had thoughts about why I work so hard, to learn to walk, to drive, to lift weights, to take pride in my appearance, and for what?
Every time I start to feel those feelings I remember what my good friend Steve said to me, "Glenn you would feel even worse about yourself if you didn't work out or try as hard as possible to walk, it is just the type of person you are."
Steve is right about all of that, I do still care about my appearance, I will (am) still walk (ing) again and I do remain strong. Sometimes we slip into a a bit of "I wish it were this or that," "I wish that this had not happened," what if, what if, what if...
Life is not about what ifs, it is about reality. I constantly remind myself to stay in the present moment, after all the present moment is the only moment.
Presently I am writing this blog and I am thankful I have this outlet to express my inner most thoughts, to share my feelings and to understand myself through this writing.
When I look at my life, where I am, what I am doing, I can choose the way I feel about it. I could choose a path of self pity, poor me, or the path of jealousy, why did this happen to me? or they have such a great and easy life and my life is so hard.
Perhaps an even more destructive path might be alcoholism or drug addiction to soothe my pain and suffering.
These are just some of the paths that I could have chosen but I did not choose any of those paths. I chose to try to be as optimistic as possible about my future, paying particular attention to the good in my life.
Taking each day one at a time, staying as present as possible, has helped me to focus on the good in my life. Reminding myself of all of the wonderful people who are a part of my life, helping me, comforting me, reassuring me and loving me.
Things will never be the same as they were before my leg losses but that does not predispose me to unhappiness or failure. Life is all about change. These changes can be viewed as changes for the better, like losing weight, or changes for the worse, like losing our job.
When things change in our life we must learn to accept those changes and move on. Nothing is permanent in life, including life itself.
As I have said on many occasions, for change to be successful, it must be coupled with faith. Having faith that the outcome of any change will be beneficial to you in the long run, will help you work toward achieving the goals you set for yourself.
My life has changed dramatically in the last few years and it has taken some time to adjust to those changes. Aside from losing my legs, another change has occurred in my life, awareness. I am so much more aware of my blessings, my strength, the beauty in the world around us, and my own feelings.
Change can be something we dread and fear or it can be something we welcome knowing that contained within that change lies great blessings and knowledge that we may never have attained otherwise.
I have chosen the latter.
*To leave a comment simply click comment to write to me personally, my email address is: glennartinc@yahoo.com
Friday, March 2, 2012
Catching Up
You know it was just about a year ago I began to learn how to drive using hand controls, today I am a pro. I never think about it, I just get in my car and go. One thing I do think about however. is the freedom driving continues to give me. I am so thankful for that and all of the other things I am still able to do for myself.
Today I thought I would touch upon some things that need to be caught up.
First of all, I had a cortisone shot in my right hand to see if it would alleviate the numbness I have experienced in my right finger tips as a result of carpal tunnel syndrome. Thus far, ten days have elapsed and I can't feel a discernible difference.
This is unfortunate because it leads me one step closer to having surgery on my right hand.
Naturally, I do not want to have yet another part of my body "go under the knife." Carpal Tunnel Syndrome left untreated can lead to permanent damage to the nervous system particularly in your fingertips.
Being an artist, both through my painting and now my writing, full use of both of my hands is essential in both of these activities and so many more. I have already suffered more than my share of physical losses and cannot afford further loss.
What concerns me most about this tentative and prospective surgery, is not the surgery itself, but rather the time needed for recovery. I was told it would be a minimum of 2 -3 weeks. This means I will have very limited use of my right hand for a 2-3 week time frame.
As you know my hands, arms and shoulders have carried the burden of my leg losses, assuming the responsibilities that were previously relegated to my legs.
I'm not sure how I will handle the various tasks my right hand performs on a daily basis. Transferring from my wheelchair to the bed, shower, etc. requires the use of both hands to transfer safely. I have been trying to use my hand with fingers bent and putting the weight on my bent fingers rather than on the palm/base of my hand.
As always, I take it a day at a time, having faith that solutions will appear as needed.
I have made a little more progress using the short legs. I walk using only one cane, not two. I can walk down the hallway using the walls a balance and no other "aid," in other words, no cane or walker.
I still have a ways to go, but over time I will get there. I should be pushing myself a little more, but sometimes I admit I get lazy. This laziness is always short lived, it just boils down to not feeling like pushing myself 24/7. I have given myself permission to do this as long as it does not become habitual.
I never want to lose sight of my goals and although it may take longer than anticipated, I will get there.
I have been using the new adjustable dumbbells I got as a Christmas gift from Rhonda and Peter. I have finally been able to increase the weight on several exercises. I was stuck in a rut because I had limited weights. My plan is to redo the guest room and turn it into a gym, artist studio and office.
I guess always having plans about how to make my life better and enable me not only maintain what I have, but also build upon it, is a good sign.
A sign of optimism about my future being brighter and getting stronger is something I always strive for and thus far have achieved. Thank God for that and so much more.
To leave a comment, hit the comment button below, to contact me personally, write me at my email address: glennartinc@yahoo.com
Today I thought I would touch upon some things that need to be caught up.
First of all, I had a cortisone shot in my right hand to see if it would alleviate the numbness I have experienced in my right finger tips as a result of carpal tunnel syndrome. Thus far, ten days have elapsed and I can't feel a discernible difference.
This is unfortunate because it leads me one step closer to having surgery on my right hand.
Naturally, I do not want to have yet another part of my body "go under the knife." Carpal Tunnel Syndrome left untreated can lead to permanent damage to the nervous system particularly in your fingertips.
Being an artist, both through my painting and now my writing, full use of both of my hands is essential in both of these activities and so many more. I have already suffered more than my share of physical losses and cannot afford further loss.
What concerns me most about this tentative and prospective surgery, is not the surgery itself, but rather the time needed for recovery. I was told it would be a minimum of 2 -3 weeks. This means I will have very limited use of my right hand for a 2-3 week time frame.
As you know my hands, arms and shoulders have carried the burden of my leg losses, assuming the responsibilities that were previously relegated to my legs.
I'm not sure how I will handle the various tasks my right hand performs on a daily basis. Transferring from my wheelchair to the bed, shower, etc. requires the use of both hands to transfer safely. I have been trying to use my hand with fingers bent and putting the weight on my bent fingers rather than on the palm/base of my hand.
As always, I take it a day at a time, having faith that solutions will appear as needed.
I have made a little more progress using the short legs. I walk using only one cane, not two. I can walk down the hallway using the walls a balance and no other "aid," in other words, no cane or walker.
I still have a ways to go, but over time I will get there. I should be pushing myself a little more, but sometimes I admit I get lazy. This laziness is always short lived, it just boils down to not feeling like pushing myself 24/7. I have given myself permission to do this as long as it does not become habitual.
I never want to lose sight of my goals and although it may take longer than anticipated, I will get there.
I have been using the new adjustable dumbbells I got as a Christmas gift from Rhonda and Peter. I have finally been able to increase the weight on several exercises. I was stuck in a rut because I had limited weights. My plan is to redo the guest room and turn it into a gym, artist studio and office.
I guess always having plans about how to make my life better and enable me not only maintain what I have, but also build upon it, is a good sign.
A sign of optimism about my future being brighter and getting stronger is something I always strive for and thus far have achieved. Thank God for that and so much more.
To leave a comment, hit the comment button below, to contact me personally, write me at my email address: glennartinc@yahoo.com
Friday, February 24, 2012
Keeping the Faith
Every month it is a struggle to make my mortgage payment. My expenses outweigh my income. I have tried to "cut back" as much as possible but I still come up short every month.
Through the grace and generosity of my family and friends, and through selling some artwork, I have been able to scrape by. I was talking to Bill about this and we began a discussion about having faith. Faith is something I have, something I know in my heart, but it seems to be tested quite often.
Whenever I think my financial situation is dire, that I will not have enough money to pay my expenses, I begin to fret. Fretting as we all know does no good. Why then do some people (I definitely include myself) worry and fret about situations they have little or no control over?
Is it because we lack faith? Lack faith in God, lack faith in ourselves, lack faith in others, the Universe, the Supreme provider of all?
I believe some people simply worry more than others. Why is that? Could it be the way we were raised? Both of my parents worried about money constantly all of their lives. My dad was always worried about being laid off of work or that his company would go on strike at the end of their contract. Guess what? It never happened.
If we figure out why we may be predisposed to worrying, the next step is to change it. Remembering what has happened in the past, that we somehow managed to get the money to pay our bills and meet our obligations, why then should this time be any different?
Given all the physical hardships that have been laid upon my table, and being thankful for my ability to handle all of this, and eventually coming out feeling optimistic about my future, you would think I have faith that could not be shaken.
So often I have been led to a place of comfort, have obtained moments of clarity, revealing the core of my spiritual faith and have triumphed. In troubling times it would be advantageous to remember our triumphs, to summon forth the courage and make the connection between the innate knowledge we possess about the security of our future and it's ultimate outcome, then move forward.
It says in the Bible our faith will be tested many times. I for one can vouch for that truth. Where will all of this faith bring us?
Faith will bring us wherever we want to go. My belief in God, in myself, in my strength, in my courage and my gratitude have brought me here to this place. This blog is a place where I can bear my soul, share my experiences and impart to all of you that we are all human beings with weaknesses and strengths.
Focussing on our strengths, being grateful for them and continuing to build upon them is the only course of action that will benefit us to the end.
Realizing that our faith is being tested is not the same as having no faith. Having no faith, in God, in yourself, your family and friends means you are alone, helpless, and in a powerless situation with no where to turn. This is not the predicament I find myself in nor will I ever, because I know, not think, know I will always have God, myself and hopefully family and friends to turn to in times of doubt.
Having reread what I have just written I realize I do possess faith, remembering and summoning this faith and this knowledge of faith is a comfort to me and perhaps the next time I doubt myself, or my future I will read what I have just written.
Keeping the faith, three simple words, but sometimes a lifetime to achieve.
To contact me personally write to me via my personal email: glennartinc@yahoo.com otherwise please leave your comments in the comment box below.
Through the grace and generosity of my family and friends, and through selling some artwork, I have been able to scrape by. I was talking to Bill about this and we began a discussion about having faith. Faith is something I have, something I know in my heart, but it seems to be tested quite often.
Whenever I think my financial situation is dire, that I will not have enough money to pay my expenses, I begin to fret. Fretting as we all know does no good. Why then do some people (I definitely include myself) worry and fret about situations they have little or no control over?
Is it because we lack faith? Lack faith in God, lack faith in ourselves, lack faith in others, the Universe, the Supreme provider of all?
I believe some people simply worry more than others. Why is that? Could it be the way we were raised? Both of my parents worried about money constantly all of their lives. My dad was always worried about being laid off of work or that his company would go on strike at the end of their contract. Guess what? It never happened.
If we figure out why we may be predisposed to worrying, the next step is to change it. Remembering what has happened in the past, that we somehow managed to get the money to pay our bills and meet our obligations, why then should this time be any different?
Given all the physical hardships that have been laid upon my table, and being thankful for my ability to handle all of this, and eventually coming out feeling optimistic about my future, you would think I have faith that could not be shaken.
So often I have been led to a place of comfort, have obtained moments of clarity, revealing the core of my spiritual faith and have triumphed. In troubling times it would be advantageous to remember our triumphs, to summon forth the courage and make the connection between the innate knowledge we possess about the security of our future and it's ultimate outcome, then move forward.
It says in the Bible our faith will be tested many times. I for one can vouch for that truth. Where will all of this faith bring us?
Faith will bring us wherever we want to go. My belief in God, in myself, in my strength, in my courage and my gratitude have brought me here to this place. This blog is a place where I can bear my soul, share my experiences and impart to all of you that we are all human beings with weaknesses and strengths.
Focussing on our strengths, being grateful for them and continuing to build upon them is the only course of action that will benefit us to the end.
Realizing that our faith is being tested is not the same as having no faith. Having no faith, in God, in yourself, your family and friends means you are alone, helpless, and in a powerless situation with no where to turn. This is not the predicament I find myself in nor will I ever, because I know, not think, know I will always have God, myself and hopefully family and friends to turn to in times of doubt.
Having reread what I have just written I realize I do possess faith, remembering and summoning this faith and this knowledge of faith is a comfort to me and perhaps the next time I doubt myself, or my future I will read what I have just written.
Keeping the faith, three simple words, but sometimes a lifetime to achieve.
To contact me personally write to me via my personal email: glennartinc@yahoo.com otherwise please leave your comments in the comment box below.
Friday, February 17, 2012
The Staircase
I thought I would give you an update about my progress using the "short legs." The last time I wrote about this was January 27 and after having reread it, I thought I would express what has transpired in this short time.
I am finally no longer secluding myself in the small exam room at physical therapy, I have now "come out" into the full gym. You may be surprised at how self-conscious a person is while wearing these short legs. Bear in mind that before all of this started I was 5'10" tall, now I am 4'6" tall, which to say the least is quite a change. Additionally, my upper body, torso, arms and head appear disproportionate to the length of the short legs.
Nonetheless I felt my ability to progress at a satisfactory rate was being hampered by my hang up about how I look, consequently, my desire to progress superseded my feelings about how I look, thankfully and finally.
I had practiced and successfully accomplished climbing up and down the small staircase (3 steps of 2 different heights)in the PT gym. It isn't as difficult as I had anticipated, however, it requires quite a lot of upper body strength. I am so thankful I have been able to maintain (through daily weight lifting) my upper body strength. I think about others who are not as fortunate as I have been, because they lack the upper body strength, for whatever reason, and how much of a disadvantage a lack of strength is in this particular situation.
Last week I met with my prosthetist, Jason, and I decided I was ready to climb a regular staircase. Jason accompanied me to the concrete staircase in the building of the prosthetist's office. I was successful in my first attempt to climb the staircase to the landing, 9 steps and then climb back down to the bottom.
Jason and I traded ideas about which ways were the easiest and safest to accomplish climbing and descending stairs. There were several people who were using the staircase while I was practicing. Jason was quite pleased at what I was able to accomplish since he had seen me last (about a month). He was equally pleased that I had begun to emerge from my cacoon of fear into being seen in public (in a controlled setting) in short legs.
When I returned to PT this past Monday Jason had called my physical therapist, Chris, to give her an update about my accomplishments in his office and building the previous Thursday.
Chris and I went to the staircase down the hall from the gym. I climbed up 9 steps to the landing and then another 9 steps to the next floor. After a short rest, I descended all 18 steps and landing to the bottom in one continuous motion.
Remember last year how I spent the entire summer "scooting" up and down the staircase to the sundeck in my building? Not this year, assuming I get over being seen by other residents in my bulding, which I will.
Today I successfully stepped out onto my balcony for the first time in over a year. I'm not saying it was graceful or easy, however, I was able to do it. As I continue practicing I will be able to sit and enjoy my balcony this spring and summer. I am overjoyed with the knowledge that I will be able to sit outside looking at my flowers and watching people walk by. You have no idea how much I missed that this past year.
Gradually I am beginning to use the short legs more and more everyday, perhaps not as much as Chris and Jason would like, but certainly more than I have been.
At 54 years old I am rejoicing in the "baby steps" I am now taking. Sometimes I have to remind myself you have no natural legs and yet you can climb up and down a staircase, how wonderful is that?
To write to me personally please email me at: glennartinc@yahoo.com or you may leave a comment in the box below.
I am finally no longer secluding myself in the small exam room at physical therapy, I have now "come out" into the full gym. You may be surprised at how self-conscious a person is while wearing these short legs. Bear in mind that before all of this started I was 5'10" tall, now I am 4'6" tall, which to say the least is quite a change. Additionally, my upper body, torso, arms and head appear disproportionate to the length of the short legs.
Nonetheless I felt my ability to progress at a satisfactory rate was being hampered by my hang up about how I look, consequently, my desire to progress superseded my feelings about how I look, thankfully and finally.
I had practiced and successfully accomplished climbing up and down the small staircase (3 steps of 2 different heights)in the PT gym. It isn't as difficult as I had anticipated, however, it requires quite a lot of upper body strength. I am so thankful I have been able to maintain (through daily weight lifting) my upper body strength. I think about others who are not as fortunate as I have been, because they lack the upper body strength, for whatever reason, and how much of a disadvantage a lack of strength is in this particular situation.
Last week I met with my prosthetist, Jason, and I decided I was ready to climb a regular staircase. Jason accompanied me to the concrete staircase in the building of the prosthetist's office. I was successful in my first attempt to climb the staircase to the landing, 9 steps and then climb back down to the bottom.
Jason and I traded ideas about which ways were the easiest and safest to accomplish climbing and descending stairs. There were several people who were using the staircase while I was practicing. Jason was quite pleased at what I was able to accomplish since he had seen me last (about a month). He was equally pleased that I had begun to emerge from my cacoon of fear into being seen in public (in a controlled setting) in short legs.
When I returned to PT this past Monday Jason had called my physical therapist, Chris, to give her an update about my accomplishments in his office and building the previous Thursday.
Chris and I went to the staircase down the hall from the gym. I climbed up 9 steps to the landing and then another 9 steps to the next floor. After a short rest, I descended all 18 steps and landing to the bottom in one continuous motion.
Remember last year how I spent the entire summer "scooting" up and down the staircase to the sundeck in my building? Not this year, assuming I get over being seen by other residents in my bulding, which I will.
Today I successfully stepped out onto my balcony for the first time in over a year. I'm not saying it was graceful or easy, however, I was able to do it. As I continue practicing I will be able to sit and enjoy my balcony this spring and summer. I am overjoyed with the knowledge that I will be able to sit outside looking at my flowers and watching people walk by. You have no idea how much I missed that this past year.
Gradually I am beginning to use the short legs more and more everyday, perhaps not as much as Chris and Jason would like, but certainly more than I have been.
At 54 years old I am rejoicing in the "baby steps" I am now taking. Sometimes I have to remind myself you have no natural legs and yet you can climb up and down a staircase, how wonderful is that?
To write to me personally please email me at: glennartinc@yahoo.com or you may leave a comment in the box below.
Saturday, February 11, 2012
Saying Goodbye
My friend of 23 years, Shawn Daly, lost his hard fought battle of 3 years to cancer early last Sunday morning.
I have written about my friendship with Shawn previously in a passage in this blog on July 2011 titled, "A Tumultuous Friendship."
As Shawn's cancer situation became more dire, his messages both verbal and his texts were more touching and loving. He had expressed to me many times how much he loved me and what a great friend he felt I had been to him over the years.
I in turn, told him many times how proud I was of him and his indelible courage and the strength he demonstrated throughout his illness.
I went to see Shawn about three weeks before he left this world and we had a great visit. I was amazed that despite the fact at that time, and unknown to him, he had about two weeks to live. Although of course he looked frail, thin, and his complexion was pale, he was not bedridden and was still able to walk downstairs, sit on the sofa and talk.
When I left his house after that visit, I wasn't sure I would ever see or speak to him again. I was quite troubled.
A week later he called me and said his mother and step-father were visiting him for the weekend and his mother really wanted to see me. I had met Shawn's mother many years ago and she and I really "clicked."
I made arrangements to see Shawn and his family on the following Sunday, one week before Shawn succumbed to cancer.
During the 10 days that had passed since my last visit, I could see a significant decline in Shawn. He was now on oxygen and heavily medicated, but still not bedridden and fairly lucid in spite of all the drugs.
He and I talked, just the two of us in the living room, he expressed his concerns about how Vinnie, his lover of seven years, would fair after he was gone.
I was as reassuring as I could be that I would help Vinnie in any way that I could; be a shoulder to cry on, a voice of reason, and support him psychologically to the best of my ability.
I told my dear friend, Shawn that I felt this illness had changed him. Shawn had evolved spiritually over the last years of his life, he was a very loving, caring and compassionate man.
I went on to tell Shawn, the courage, tenacity and perservance he demonstrated throughout his 3 year illness were some of the best human qualities that could ever be exhibited by any human being.
I continued to express my feeling that when people speak of Shawn, the Shawn of the last few years, people will say there was a person of great determination and the ultimate representation of courageousness.
As I continued to speak to Shawn, I said, the legacy you have left to this world and what you will be remembered for the most is your courage and strength. What better legacy could anyone ever leave?
When you are in Shawn's situation, my situation or any situation where feeling sorry for yourself might be an option, you look for inspiration. People who have been confronted with any of a myriad of difficult struggles or mishaps and yet have fought to overcome their disadvantages become inspirational to others.
Shawn brought the light of inspiration and the faith of believing in yourself, against all odds, by working toward a goal, beating cancer, learning to walk or whatever it may be, is really the only beneficial objective to pursue.
Shawn was an inspiration to me, to be strong, optimistic, and finish the race with dignity, grace and honor.
While I was at Shawn's house that last Sunday we were together, he said he had to leave, that he, Vinnie, and his best friend, Ronco, were going to the movies.
Think about that, this man, Shawn, with about a week to live, went to the movies with his lover and best friend. That whole scenario makes me smile. When I said goodbye to Shawn for the very last time, in this lifetime, he was going to the movies! Amazing and Inspirational.
Need I say more.......?
I have written about my friendship with Shawn previously in a passage in this blog on July 2011 titled, "A Tumultuous Friendship."
As Shawn's cancer situation became more dire, his messages both verbal and his texts were more touching and loving. He had expressed to me many times how much he loved me and what a great friend he felt I had been to him over the years.
I in turn, told him many times how proud I was of him and his indelible courage and the strength he demonstrated throughout his illness.
I went to see Shawn about three weeks before he left this world and we had a great visit. I was amazed that despite the fact at that time, and unknown to him, he had about two weeks to live. Although of course he looked frail, thin, and his complexion was pale, he was not bedridden and was still able to walk downstairs, sit on the sofa and talk.
When I left his house after that visit, I wasn't sure I would ever see or speak to him again. I was quite troubled.
A week later he called me and said his mother and step-father were visiting him for the weekend and his mother really wanted to see me. I had met Shawn's mother many years ago and she and I really "clicked."
I made arrangements to see Shawn and his family on the following Sunday, one week before Shawn succumbed to cancer.
During the 10 days that had passed since my last visit, I could see a significant decline in Shawn. He was now on oxygen and heavily medicated, but still not bedridden and fairly lucid in spite of all the drugs.
He and I talked, just the two of us in the living room, he expressed his concerns about how Vinnie, his lover of seven years, would fair after he was gone.
I was as reassuring as I could be that I would help Vinnie in any way that I could; be a shoulder to cry on, a voice of reason, and support him psychologically to the best of my ability.
I told my dear friend, Shawn that I felt this illness had changed him. Shawn had evolved spiritually over the last years of his life, he was a very loving, caring and compassionate man.
I went on to tell Shawn, the courage, tenacity and perservance he demonstrated throughout his 3 year illness were some of the best human qualities that could ever be exhibited by any human being.
I continued to express my feeling that when people speak of Shawn, the Shawn of the last few years, people will say there was a person of great determination and the ultimate representation of courageousness.
As I continued to speak to Shawn, I said, the legacy you have left to this world and what you will be remembered for the most is your courage and strength. What better legacy could anyone ever leave?
When you are in Shawn's situation, my situation or any situation where feeling sorry for yourself might be an option, you look for inspiration. People who have been confronted with any of a myriad of difficult struggles or mishaps and yet have fought to overcome their disadvantages become inspirational to others.
Shawn brought the light of inspiration and the faith of believing in yourself, against all odds, by working toward a goal, beating cancer, learning to walk or whatever it may be, is really the only beneficial objective to pursue.
Shawn was an inspiration to me, to be strong, optimistic, and finish the race with dignity, grace and honor.
While I was at Shawn's house that last Sunday we were together, he said he had to leave, that he, Vinnie, and his best friend, Ronco, were going to the movies.
Think about that, this man, Shawn, with about a week to live, went to the movies with his lover and best friend. That whole scenario makes me smile. When I said goodbye to Shawn for the very last time, in this lifetime, he was going to the movies! Amazing and Inspirational.
Need I say more.......?
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