If my father were alive he would have turned seventy-five years old today. I remember fifteen years ago on Dad's sixtieth birthday we all had a surprise party for him. Everyone was there, all of his children, all of his grandchildren, his girlfriend and his only sister, Lynda.
My mother had passed away the year before, at the age of fifty-seven and I was determined to have this celebration for my father's birthday, as my mother never realized her sixtieth birthday.
It was a wonderful event and Dad was quite surprised. I think of that party often and what a happy occasion it was. I think of my father frequently and the influence he had and has on my life. Dad was a troubled man in some respects and yet a wise and humorous man in a lot of other areas of his life.
I have thought many times about the fact that I am glad neither one of my parents lived to see me go through the loss of my legs. I know how devastating it would have been for them to have seen one of their children endure such a traumatic ordeal.
I have one of the only photographs of my parents together, hanging in my bedroom, I look at it and talk to my parents often. I ask them to help me, to give me strength and guidance. Sometimes I wonder would my parents be proud of the way I have chosen to handle my leg loss situation. You know, I think they are proud, at least I hope they are.
In spite of all the drama that existed in my family, all the dysfunction, my parents did a good job raising all four of their children. My siblings are all good, loving and caring individuals. Mom and Dad despite all odds, instilled within all four of us the most important virtures of life. I am thankful for my parents.
I believe that my Mother and Father both endured a lot of hardships in their respective lives and yet they perservered. I think my strength and perservence comes in part from my parents and of course a great deal comes from God. My God and my parents what a perfect combination.
Despite my fathers's three failed marriages (two of them to my mother), losing a baby son many years ago, and losing three homes, he perservered. At the end of his life he had his own home and a seventeen year relationship with his live-in girlfriend On, the most successful relationship of his life.
I remember sitting with my Father during his final days, suffering from bone cancer, and he said to me, "this cancer thing wasn't part of the plan."
His starement really resonates with me now, this leg loss thing wasn't a part of my plan either. What would my Father have done if he were faced with the loss of both of his legs? I suspect he would have done exactly what I feel I am doing; remaining optimistic, diligently confronting the situation with determination and perservence.
I am not foolish enough to have canonized my Father, in the wake of his death, putting him on a pedestal, however, there are so many things about the way he lived his life that make me proud to be his son. I know in my heart, he sees and realizes what I go through in my day to day life.
Both my Mother and my Father have greatly influenced the type of person I am today and for that I am truly thankful.
Happy Birthday Pop, I miss talking to you but I know you are always watching over me now and forever.
Wednesday, July 27, 2011
Saturday, July 23, 2011
Home For Six Monthes
Today it has been six monthes since I arrived home after losing my second leg. I thought this would be a good time to review and evaluate my progess during the last six monthes.
Anyone who knows me already knows how self critical I can be. I always try to push myself and set high but I feel attainable goals. Sometimes, however, I have been told by others that I don't give myself enough credit for my accomplishments and for my fortitude in general. It is difficlut for me to be satisfied with my accomlishments, ultimately because I am not where I feel I could or should be.
During the course of my recovery it has been easy to forget the place I was at even just six monthes ago and where I find myself now. By looking back at what I was able to do six monthes ago and what I can do today will put things in their proper perspective.
When I arrived home January 23, in the dead of winter, I wasn't even able to take a shower. One reason I wasn't able to shower was because I still had over sixty stitches in my left residual limb, in addition to those stitches, I had not yet developed a workable and safe method by which to shower.
Today of course those stitches have long since been removed and I have figured out a fairly easy method to transfer from my wheelchair to the shower bench and back again. I have also increased the speed in which I am able to shower.
Six monthes ago I was still heavily medicated, particularily with pain meds. Now I take only the basic medicine I need and will have to take for the rest of my life. I realized some time ago the psychological impact pain medication has on my mind. Being an emotional person by nature, and then taking mind altering types of medication, put me on an emotional rollercoaster. Sometimes I had difficulty controlling my emotions. I would cry easily and would put too much emotional weight on situations that did not warrant such reactions. I am so pleased to have stepped off of that rollercoaster, not only do I have much less emotional reaction to situations but also the reactions are more appropriate.
Needless to say I was not able to drive six monthes ago. Those of you who continue to read my blog already know that I have taken driving lessons, have had controls installed in my car and am now able to drive. Not only am I able to drive, I drive with a lot more ease and confidence. I am so thankful for the freedom driving has given me. I am equally thankful for my sister, Rhonda, who encouraged me and helped financially to accomplish this very important goal.
Naturally I did not have my second prosthetic leg six monthes ago. Although everything has not been perfected to the point I know it will be eventually, I have at least begun the process of learning to walk again, on now, two prosthetic legs. I would like to elaborate a little on this process of walking on two above knee prosthetic legs. The magnitude of losing both of my legs, both above the knee, has begun to be realized by me. Many of the medical professionals I work with, my vascular surgeon, my rehab doctor, all of the prosthetists, and my beloved physical therapists, have told me time and again the depth of my accomplishments, given my loss, my age, and vascular issues. I was rather dismissive about their comments and encouragement, making statements like, "I don't think I am doing that well" or "What is the big deal so I can stand on two prosthtetic legs?"
It has taken me a while and even now sometimes I don't realize the actuality of what has happened to me. I have no legs. By putting things in their proper perspective, appreciating the ecouragement I have received and being gentle with myself has made me a happier person. I now realize that I am a person who has lost both of their legs, both above the knee and yet I have been able to retain a great amount of automony. I am able to drive, to take care of myself with respect to personal grooming, I can cook for myself and eventually I WILL walk again.
I understand and appreciate what I have accomplished in my life so far. I also understand and appreciate all of the assistance and encouragement I have received along the way in every avenue of my life; medically, from friends and from my family.
Another interesting and wonderful aspect of my life has emerged; this blog. Writing and sharing my thoughts with all of you through this blog has forced me to look at my life in many areas I may never have visited otherwise. I enjoy sharing my thoughts and feelings through these writings and I also understand how cathartic it has been for me.
Am I where I want to be ultimately in my life as a bilateral above knee amputee? Certainly not. I am however, pleased with my accomplishments thus far and know things will only get better from here.
The other day I took my walker and stood and walked to one of my barstools, sat at my kitchen breakfast bar and I thought I like this view much better than the view I have from my wheelchair. Sitting at the bar, a seemingly small accomplishment, should not be minimized in my mind, these are the small steps that lead to overall feelings of self-satisfaction and pride in attaining goals.
Those of you who have shared my journey with me either through direct participation or by taking the time to read my blog have contributed to my well being and my sense of accomplishment. I thank you all and look forward to sharing more of my story and accomplishments as we WALK down the path of my life together.
Anyone who knows me already knows how self critical I can be. I always try to push myself and set high but I feel attainable goals. Sometimes, however, I have been told by others that I don't give myself enough credit for my accomplishments and for my fortitude in general. It is difficlut for me to be satisfied with my accomlishments, ultimately because I am not where I feel I could or should be.
During the course of my recovery it has been easy to forget the place I was at even just six monthes ago and where I find myself now. By looking back at what I was able to do six monthes ago and what I can do today will put things in their proper perspective.
When I arrived home January 23, in the dead of winter, I wasn't even able to take a shower. One reason I wasn't able to shower was because I still had over sixty stitches in my left residual limb, in addition to those stitches, I had not yet developed a workable and safe method by which to shower.
Today of course those stitches have long since been removed and I have figured out a fairly easy method to transfer from my wheelchair to the shower bench and back again. I have also increased the speed in which I am able to shower.
Six monthes ago I was still heavily medicated, particularily with pain meds. Now I take only the basic medicine I need and will have to take for the rest of my life. I realized some time ago the psychological impact pain medication has on my mind. Being an emotional person by nature, and then taking mind altering types of medication, put me on an emotional rollercoaster. Sometimes I had difficulty controlling my emotions. I would cry easily and would put too much emotional weight on situations that did not warrant such reactions. I am so pleased to have stepped off of that rollercoaster, not only do I have much less emotional reaction to situations but also the reactions are more appropriate.
Needless to say I was not able to drive six monthes ago. Those of you who continue to read my blog already know that I have taken driving lessons, have had controls installed in my car and am now able to drive. Not only am I able to drive, I drive with a lot more ease and confidence. I am so thankful for the freedom driving has given me. I am equally thankful for my sister, Rhonda, who encouraged me and helped financially to accomplish this very important goal.
Naturally I did not have my second prosthetic leg six monthes ago. Although everything has not been perfected to the point I know it will be eventually, I have at least begun the process of learning to walk again, on now, two prosthetic legs. I would like to elaborate a little on this process of walking on two above knee prosthetic legs. The magnitude of losing both of my legs, both above the knee, has begun to be realized by me. Many of the medical professionals I work with, my vascular surgeon, my rehab doctor, all of the prosthetists, and my beloved physical therapists, have told me time and again the depth of my accomplishments, given my loss, my age, and vascular issues. I was rather dismissive about their comments and encouragement, making statements like, "I don't think I am doing that well" or "What is the big deal so I can stand on two prosthtetic legs?"
It has taken me a while and even now sometimes I don't realize the actuality of what has happened to me. I have no legs. By putting things in their proper perspective, appreciating the ecouragement I have received and being gentle with myself has made me a happier person. I now realize that I am a person who has lost both of their legs, both above the knee and yet I have been able to retain a great amount of automony. I am able to drive, to take care of myself with respect to personal grooming, I can cook for myself and eventually I WILL walk again.
I understand and appreciate what I have accomplished in my life so far. I also understand and appreciate all of the assistance and encouragement I have received along the way in every avenue of my life; medically, from friends and from my family.
Another interesting and wonderful aspect of my life has emerged; this blog. Writing and sharing my thoughts with all of you through this blog has forced me to look at my life in many areas I may never have visited otherwise. I enjoy sharing my thoughts and feelings through these writings and I also understand how cathartic it has been for me.
Am I where I want to be ultimately in my life as a bilateral above knee amputee? Certainly not. I am however, pleased with my accomplishments thus far and know things will only get better from here.
The other day I took my walker and stood and walked to one of my barstools, sat at my kitchen breakfast bar and I thought I like this view much better than the view I have from my wheelchair. Sitting at the bar, a seemingly small accomplishment, should not be minimized in my mind, these are the small steps that lead to overall feelings of self-satisfaction and pride in attaining goals.
Those of you who have shared my journey with me either through direct participation or by taking the time to read my blog have contributed to my well being and my sense of accomplishment. I thank you all and look forward to sharing more of my story and accomplishments as we WALK down the path of my life together.
Saturday, July 16, 2011
Blessed Friendships
I have been so blessed with an unusually large number of friends. These are friends whom I know would and have done anything for me, friends who have remained steadfast in my life for many years. I thought I would list their names and how long we have been friends. I cannot emphasize enough the value I place on my friendships. All of these people have played a pivotal role in my life and have helped shape my character.
Tricia 38 years
Mark 34 years
Kevin 28 years
Michael 26 years
Ruth 22 years
Shawn 22 years
Jena 10 years
Marguerite 8 years
Bill 8 years
Steve 6 years
Rick 6 years
Patrick 5 years
I met my friend Tricia when I was a sophomore in high school way back in 1973. She is the only person from high school with whom I have remained in contact. She currently lives in London and has recently embarked on a new romantic relationship. I last saw her in April 2009 at her mother's memorial service. We facebook and email several times a year. She like so many others has greatly enriched my life in so many ways.
My friend Mark and I have the longest friendship of all my gay friends. I met Mark when I was nineteen years old. We dated briefly in the 1970's but that quickly turned into a platonic friendship that has lasted many years. We have had lots of happy times and memories but also our share of sad times. Mark and I have one of the most special friendships in my life.
If you have been reading my blog, you already know the relationdship I had with my dearest departed friend, Kevin.
Michael, who lives in Montana, and I were lovers for five years in the late eighties. He is a wonderful person. Since our relationship ended many years ago, he has gone back to school for his master's degree and has adopted a son. It is only through the perservence of Michael that we are still in contact and are friends these many years later. I appreciate his friendship and I know I can always count on him for anything. Knowing Michael has made my life better in many ways.
Ruthie or Ruth Anne and I have been friends for twenty-two years. We met in the late eighties. We worked together for six years, she ended up getting married and moved first to Alaska and finally to Seattle where she lives today. I love my Ruthie, she has been a confidant of mine for many years. She is one of the first people I turn to for advice, she is a wise and compassionate friend. After a period of seperation, caused mostly by her bigotted, now exhusband, Al, we have a friendship that is stronger than ever. Ruth is someone whom I know in my heart will always be a part of of my life, for that I am so thankful, Shalom.
I have mentioned my friend of twenty-two years, Shawn in a blog titled, "A Tumultulous Friendship." He and I have been through a lot together but our friendship remains intact and stronger than ever.
My friend Jena, is actually my best friend Kevin's niece. I have known Jena since she was fourteen years old, however, we didn't become friends until a few years before Kevin's passing. After Kevin left this world, Jena and I became much closer. I know Kevin is responsible for our friendship. Jena has helped me in so many ways, I have such respect and admiration for her. One thing I like about Jen is her ability to "cut right to the chase." She has a way of seeing a situation and knows instinctually what action to take to resolve problems. I also see myself in her in some ways, her decorating style, her way of doing things in original ways and her taste is top notch. She is always there to lend a helping hand either intellectually or financially. I cherish my friendship with Jena and her entire family.
My dear sweet friend, Marguerite, you have already read about in the blog entry I titled "True Friendship." Marguerite and her husband, Paul, are such good friends to me. They have played the most participatory role, other than my family, throughout my leg losses. Visiting me at the hospital on several occasions, bringing me home from the hospital many times and staying with me during my recovery at my home. Marguerite is someone who has made my life so much more positive. Who would have known when we first spoke to each other from our respective screened-in porches, that many years later a cherished friendship would still be going strong? She and Paul hold a special place in my heart and always will.
And then there's Bill. Those that know me will realize to whom I am referring. I don't know what to call the relationship I have with Bill, maybe I don't have to label it at all. Bill has been a part of my life for over eight years, we have had a lot of ups and downs, on again, off again, but deep down I hope he knows I love him. Bill and I have travelled extensively together before all of my medical issues have made travel much more challenging. Even today Bill has shown his concern for my well being, offering to take me out to lunch and other ways he finds to "get me out of the house." I appreciate his efforts so much because I know it is not easy. Bill has brought a lot of excitement to my life and a fair amount of drama. I would certainly say my life has been greatly enriched knowing Bill and certainly not boring!
I would call my friend, Steve, my best friend. After the loss of Kevin I thought I would never have found the comradarie that I have found with Steve. We met at the gym and because we have shared similar circumstances in our respective lives, we became friends fairly quickly. I love Steve, I can talk to Steve, believe me when I say neither one of us is ever at a loss for words. Ours is a very easy, open and honest friendship, I feel I can tell him anything and I hope he feels the same way. Steve has a unique style in a lot of ways. I have great admiration for him, his discipline, his taste, and his personality. Steve makes me laugh and is generous to a fault. We have know each other for six years and yet I feel as if I have known him much longer. Steve has been very encouraging to me throughout all of my medical issues. One thing I know I can always count on with Steve is his honesty. He always tells me the truth, if I ask, even if sometimes the truth isn't necessarily pleasant--I love that about Steve and so much more.
I have met so many great people at Cheetah Gym. Rick is my Saturday morning workout buddy. Although I haven't been back to the gym in seven monthes I know I will eventually WALK in Cheetah on a Saturday morning and Rick will be there. Rick is always the first one to offer his help to me at the gym, even without my having to ask. A couple of times when I wasn't able to go the gym because of guess what? leg problems, I always go back on a Saturday morning specifically because I know Rick will be there. I guess I kind of consider Saturday morning, Glenn and Rick time. I miss that so much and am anxiously awaiting the day I walk in Cheetah Gym on Saturday morning and see Rick's smiling face.
My friend Patrick is such a great person, so kind, so considerate and so caring. My friendships with both Rick and Patrick, I believe began by my asking them individually and on seperate occasions, questions about working out. My five year friendship with Patrick, (which I feel is just beginning), just escalated from there. I would see him working out nearly every morning and we just started talking more and more and our friendship blossomed. Patrick has visited me on several occasions during my various hospital stents and in fact brought me home from the hospital one time. We talk on the phone frequently and we have made a vow not to let our friendship drift apart even though he now goes to another gym and I haven't been able to go back quite yet.
One of the reasons I chose to write about friendship is because it is so important to me. My friendships, all unique unto themselves, are an anchor in my life. Surrounding myself with loving and caring people has made a tremendous positive difference in my ability to handle the challenges my life has brought to me.
If you combine all of the years of friendship I have been privy to and blessed to be the recipient of, it would total 213 years, just based on the friends have mentioned here in this particular blog. Isn't that astounding?
If the statement, "You are not measured by how much you love, but rather, by how much you are loved by others." is true, which I believe it is, than friendship is the greatest blessing I have been fortunate enough to be apart of, and for that, I am thankful beyond words.
Tricia 38 years
Mark 34 years
Kevin 28 years
Michael 26 years
Ruth 22 years
Shawn 22 years
Jena 10 years
Marguerite 8 years
Bill 8 years
Steve 6 years
Rick 6 years
Patrick 5 years
I met my friend Tricia when I was a sophomore in high school way back in 1973. She is the only person from high school with whom I have remained in contact. She currently lives in London and has recently embarked on a new romantic relationship. I last saw her in April 2009 at her mother's memorial service. We facebook and email several times a year. She like so many others has greatly enriched my life in so many ways.
My friend Mark and I have the longest friendship of all my gay friends. I met Mark when I was nineteen years old. We dated briefly in the 1970's but that quickly turned into a platonic friendship that has lasted many years. We have had lots of happy times and memories but also our share of sad times. Mark and I have one of the most special friendships in my life.
If you have been reading my blog, you already know the relationdship I had with my dearest departed friend, Kevin.
Michael, who lives in Montana, and I were lovers for five years in the late eighties. He is a wonderful person. Since our relationship ended many years ago, he has gone back to school for his master's degree and has adopted a son. It is only through the perservence of Michael that we are still in contact and are friends these many years later. I appreciate his friendship and I know I can always count on him for anything. Knowing Michael has made my life better in many ways.
Ruthie or Ruth Anne and I have been friends for twenty-two years. We met in the late eighties. We worked together for six years, she ended up getting married and moved first to Alaska and finally to Seattle where she lives today. I love my Ruthie, she has been a confidant of mine for many years. She is one of the first people I turn to for advice, she is a wise and compassionate friend. After a period of seperation, caused mostly by her bigotted, now exhusband, Al, we have a friendship that is stronger than ever. Ruth is someone whom I know in my heart will always be a part of of my life, for that I am so thankful, Shalom.
I have mentioned my friend of twenty-two years, Shawn in a blog titled, "A Tumultulous Friendship." He and I have been through a lot together but our friendship remains intact and stronger than ever.
My friend Jena, is actually my best friend Kevin's niece. I have known Jena since she was fourteen years old, however, we didn't become friends until a few years before Kevin's passing. After Kevin left this world, Jena and I became much closer. I know Kevin is responsible for our friendship. Jena has helped me in so many ways, I have such respect and admiration for her. One thing I like about Jen is her ability to "cut right to the chase." She has a way of seeing a situation and knows instinctually what action to take to resolve problems. I also see myself in her in some ways, her decorating style, her way of doing things in original ways and her taste is top notch. She is always there to lend a helping hand either intellectually or financially. I cherish my friendship with Jena and her entire family.
My dear sweet friend, Marguerite, you have already read about in the blog entry I titled "True Friendship." Marguerite and her husband, Paul, are such good friends to me. They have played the most participatory role, other than my family, throughout my leg losses. Visiting me at the hospital on several occasions, bringing me home from the hospital many times and staying with me during my recovery at my home. Marguerite is someone who has made my life so much more positive. Who would have known when we first spoke to each other from our respective screened-in porches, that many years later a cherished friendship would still be going strong? She and Paul hold a special place in my heart and always will.
And then there's Bill. Those that know me will realize to whom I am referring. I don't know what to call the relationship I have with Bill, maybe I don't have to label it at all. Bill has been a part of my life for over eight years, we have had a lot of ups and downs, on again, off again, but deep down I hope he knows I love him. Bill and I have travelled extensively together before all of my medical issues have made travel much more challenging. Even today Bill has shown his concern for my well being, offering to take me out to lunch and other ways he finds to "get me out of the house." I appreciate his efforts so much because I know it is not easy. Bill has brought a lot of excitement to my life and a fair amount of drama. I would certainly say my life has been greatly enriched knowing Bill and certainly not boring!
I would call my friend, Steve, my best friend. After the loss of Kevin I thought I would never have found the comradarie that I have found with Steve. We met at the gym and because we have shared similar circumstances in our respective lives, we became friends fairly quickly. I love Steve, I can talk to Steve, believe me when I say neither one of us is ever at a loss for words. Ours is a very easy, open and honest friendship, I feel I can tell him anything and I hope he feels the same way. Steve has a unique style in a lot of ways. I have great admiration for him, his discipline, his taste, and his personality. Steve makes me laugh and is generous to a fault. We have know each other for six years and yet I feel as if I have known him much longer. Steve has been very encouraging to me throughout all of my medical issues. One thing I know I can always count on with Steve is his honesty. He always tells me the truth, if I ask, even if sometimes the truth isn't necessarily pleasant--I love that about Steve and so much more.
I have met so many great people at Cheetah Gym. Rick is my Saturday morning workout buddy. Although I haven't been back to the gym in seven monthes I know I will eventually WALK in Cheetah on a Saturday morning and Rick will be there. Rick is always the first one to offer his help to me at the gym, even without my having to ask. A couple of times when I wasn't able to go the gym because of guess what? leg problems, I always go back on a Saturday morning specifically because I know Rick will be there. I guess I kind of consider Saturday morning, Glenn and Rick time. I miss that so much and am anxiously awaiting the day I walk in Cheetah Gym on Saturday morning and see Rick's smiling face.
My friend Patrick is such a great person, so kind, so considerate and so caring. My friendships with both Rick and Patrick, I believe began by my asking them individually and on seperate occasions, questions about working out. My five year friendship with Patrick, (which I feel is just beginning), just escalated from there. I would see him working out nearly every morning and we just started talking more and more and our friendship blossomed. Patrick has visited me on several occasions during my various hospital stents and in fact brought me home from the hospital one time. We talk on the phone frequently and we have made a vow not to let our friendship drift apart even though he now goes to another gym and I haven't been able to go back quite yet.
One of the reasons I chose to write about friendship is because it is so important to me. My friendships, all unique unto themselves, are an anchor in my life. Surrounding myself with loving and caring people has made a tremendous positive difference in my ability to handle the challenges my life has brought to me.
If you combine all of the years of friendship I have been privy to and blessed to be the recipient of, it would total 213 years, just based on the friends have mentioned here in this particular blog. Isn't that astounding?
If the statement, "You are not measured by how much you love, but rather, by how much you are loved by others." is true, which I believe it is, than friendship is the greatest blessing I have been fortunate enough to be apart of, and for that, I am thankful beyond words.
Friday, July 8, 2011
Part C: A Tumultuous Friendship
Have you ever known a person and although you would in the final analysis consider yourselves to be friends, on a day to day basis you frequently clash? Such was the case with Shawn and myself.
I say the word "was" because now we are closer than we have ever been in the twenty two years we have known each other. I'm not sure what happened between us except that we have both been through very tough medical issues.
Sometimes when we are faced with debilitating medical challenges we can rise to the occasion, demonstrating strength, courage and perservence or not. As I have discussed in previous blog writings, we all have a tendency to judge each other. Although I try to monitor this when trying to reserve judgment, I sometimes fail, as I did originally with Shawn.
Shawn has been dealing with cancer for a couple of years now. He has demonstrated as much courage and strength as anyone I have ever known. I would never have thought he would have risen to this level of courageousness had I not been akin to his situation personally.
Shawn and I used to work together starting in the late eighties. We had an on again off again friendship. A few years later I found myself doing work for Shawn. Shawn is a successful realtor. During the course of his career, Shawn experienced prosperous times, which did not surprise me, he has always been a good sales person.
As Shawn was developing his career as a realtor, I was developing my career as an interior decorative painter. Shawn was frequently "throwing business" my way, this was a mutually benefical proposition for both of us. He was sending business and I was providing a product that enhanced his ability to sell property.
Our relationship was not without it's problems. Sometimes I felt Shawn expected me to do things with unreasonable notice or for an inappropriate price. I think Shawn felt underappreciated by me for sending so much business my way. Needless to say there were verbal exchanges between the two of us that I am sure we have both regretted.
It is not unusual for friendships to feel strained-- sometimes to the breaking point. Shawn and I were at this point many times. In fact I know a couple of times we mutually felt our friendship and working relationship was over.
As my medical issues became more serious, Shawn was there for me and still is. He never hesitated to offer help and was a frequent visitor to the hospital during all of my admissions. I really appreciate that.
A few years ago Shawn learned he had cancer. When he first spoke of the cancer to me, I was immediately struck by his candor and his resolute optimism. He was not going to let this "cancer thing" get the best of him.
He made me realize after all these years the real importance of our friendship. Sometimes I feel as if perhaps I have not been participatory enough in his journey through the mine field of cancer.
Fortunately Shawn has a devoted significant other who has conducted himself with an all encompassing love and devotion I find heartwarming. Not unlike myself, Shawn is very close to his sister, Lisa. She has been there for him just like my sister, Rhonda, has been here for me.
Even though Shawn and I have been going through our own personal "medical hell" at the same time, we have talked openly and freely about what we have felt about our respective health issues. I have told Shawn many times how proud I am of him and of the admiration I have for the courage he has shown during such a dismal period of his life. He has voiced the same feelings toward me.
Last August Shawn asked me to go on a Caribbean cruise with him, his sister Lisa, and his brother-in-law Dan. I was of course somewhat apprehensive, at that time I had only lost one of my legs. Suffice it to say, I had a great time. At that time I had come a long way in my adjusting to living with one prosthetic leg.
Shawn however, was not doing as well with respect to his cancer issues. In fact he was very close to cancelling the trip. He told me not to worry his sister and brother-in-law would take good care of me. I told Shawn there was no way I was going on this cruise without him. I'm not sure whether Shawn felt better, or why he decided to go forward with the trip, but nonetheless we went.
It wasn't too long before I realized just how bad Shawn was actually feeling physically. I had anticipated that there were going to be moments of sharing our deepest feelings and vunerabilities about our respective health issues, and there were moments. Without devulging too much let me just say there were tears from both of us.
At one point after realizing Shawn was really too ill to have taken this cruise, I asked him point blank, if he had decided to come on the cruise because he wanted me to experience such a trip? He said yes. What can I say about that kind of sacrifice?
As the saying goes, "these are the times that try men's souls," these are the times that have tryed our friendship. We, Shawn and I, have weathered a lot of storms together and in the end it has solidified and strengthened our friendship.
Perhaps one of the most benefical things to come out of our respective illnesses has been our friendship, stronger than ever, all the way to the end, and I am so thankful.
I say the word "was" because now we are closer than we have ever been in the twenty two years we have known each other. I'm not sure what happened between us except that we have both been through very tough medical issues.
Sometimes when we are faced with debilitating medical challenges we can rise to the occasion, demonstrating strength, courage and perservence or not. As I have discussed in previous blog writings, we all have a tendency to judge each other. Although I try to monitor this when trying to reserve judgment, I sometimes fail, as I did originally with Shawn.
Shawn has been dealing with cancer for a couple of years now. He has demonstrated as much courage and strength as anyone I have ever known. I would never have thought he would have risen to this level of courageousness had I not been akin to his situation personally.
Shawn and I used to work together starting in the late eighties. We had an on again off again friendship. A few years later I found myself doing work for Shawn. Shawn is a successful realtor. During the course of his career, Shawn experienced prosperous times, which did not surprise me, he has always been a good sales person.
As Shawn was developing his career as a realtor, I was developing my career as an interior decorative painter. Shawn was frequently "throwing business" my way, this was a mutually benefical proposition for both of us. He was sending business and I was providing a product that enhanced his ability to sell property.
Our relationship was not without it's problems. Sometimes I felt Shawn expected me to do things with unreasonable notice or for an inappropriate price. I think Shawn felt underappreciated by me for sending so much business my way. Needless to say there were verbal exchanges between the two of us that I am sure we have both regretted.
It is not unusual for friendships to feel strained-- sometimes to the breaking point. Shawn and I were at this point many times. In fact I know a couple of times we mutually felt our friendship and working relationship was over.
As my medical issues became more serious, Shawn was there for me and still is. He never hesitated to offer help and was a frequent visitor to the hospital during all of my admissions. I really appreciate that.
A few years ago Shawn learned he had cancer. When he first spoke of the cancer to me, I was immediately struck by his candor and his resolute optimism. He was not going to let this "cancer thing" get the best of him.
He made me realize after all these years the real importance of our friendship. Sometimes I feel as if perhaps I have not been participatory enough in his journey through the mine field of cancer.
Fortunately Shawn has a devoted significant other who has conducted himself with an all encompassing love and devotion I find heartwarming. Not unlike myself, Shawn is very close to his sister, Lisa. She has been there for him just like my sister, Rhonda, has been here for me.
Even though Shawn and I have been going through our own personal "medical hell" at the same time, we have talked openly and freely about what we have felt about our respective health issues. I have told Shawn many times how proud I am of him and of the admiration I have for the courage he has shown during such a dismal period of his life. He has voiced the same feelings toward me.
Last August Shawn asked me to go on a Caribbean cruise with him, his sister Lisa, and his brother-in-law Dan. I was of course somewhat apprehensive, at that time I had only lost one of my legs. Suffice it to say, I had a great time. At that time I had come a long way in my adjusting to living with one prosthetic leg.
Shawn however, was not doing as well with respect to his cancer issues. In fact he was very close to cancelling the trip. He told me not to worry his sister and brother-in-law would take good care of me. I told Shawn there was no way I was going on this cruise without him. I'm not sure whether Shawn felt better, or why he decided to go forward with the trip, but nonetheless we went.
It wasn't too long before I realized just how bad Shawn was actually feeling physically. I had anticipated that there were going to be moments of sharing our deepest feelings and vunerabilities about our respective health issues, and there were moments. Without devulging too much let me just say there were tears from both of us.
At one point after realizing Shawn was really too ill to have taken this cruise, I asked him point blank, if he had decided to come on the cruise because he wanted me to experience such a trip? He said yes. What can I say about that kind of sacrifice?
As the saying goes, "these are the times that try men's souls," these are the times that have tryed our friendship. We, Shawn and I, have weathered a lot of storms together and in the end it has solidified and strengthened our friendship.
Perhaps one of the most benefical things to come out of our respective illnesses has been our friendship, stronger than ever, all the way to the end, and I am so thankful.
Wednesday, June 29, 2011
Part B: Disappearing Friends
Back in the eighties I had a friend who was very dear to me named Betty. Unfortunately, I inadverently blew off our friendship. Bear in mind back in the early eighties I was somewhat of a party boy. I drank, I did a few drugs, I had a good time. My friend Betty did the same for a while, but she felt she was getting out of control, so she sought help to stop drinking. We continued to be friends for a while but because we were not in the same place after she stopped drinking, our friendship faultered.
Between the early eighties and 2003 I had also quit drinking, doing drugs and changed my lifestyle completely. I had become a different person. Today, I work out, try to be more health conscious with my food choices and generally take better care of myself physically, mentally and spiritually.
Flash forward to 2007, I was laying out in the sun by Lake Michigan and I sat up and was looking around. I saw a girl jogging with her dog, I thought to myself, she is pretty. Within thirty seconds of that thought, she stopped and turned around and she said, "Glenn?" I didn't recognize her at first, but when I realized it was my old friend Betty, I was thrilled.
Subsequently, we made plans to get together and catch up on each other's lives. We renewed our friendship with vigor. I had remembered her sister, Jennifer, who was in law school way back then. Jennifer is now a successful lawyer, owning her own LaSalle Street law firm. We went to a barbeque at Jennifer's beautiful home in Andersonville, just a few blocks from where I was living then.
I ended up becoming friends with Jennifer and did extensive decorative painting in her beautiful home. I worked feverishly for six to eight monthes on her house and had met her mother. Fran, her mother, was living with Jennifer and her two daughters. Fran was a wonderful lady in her late seventies or early eighties, she was living with Jennifer because she was dying from cancer.
Everything between Betty, Jennifer and myself I thought was going great until I got a blood clot in December 2007. I was out of commission for a six week period and I had scheduled work at Jennifer's home. I called her and explained, she then reassured me I could resume the work when I was physically able.
Right before I was to complete the prescheduled work, I got a late night phone call on my voicemail telling me Jennifer had decided not to go forward with the prescheduled work. I tried relentlessly to call her to see if the work was permenantly cancelled or just postponed temporarily. I have never heard from her since.
A few monthes later Betty and Jennifer's mother, Fran, passed away from cancer. Betty called me with the news, we talked briefly because she was in the throngs of grief and dealing with her mother's death. I tried several times to reach both Betty and Jennifer but it was of no avail.
Since I was unable to reach them, I made them a sympathy card. I also wrote them a beautiful letter telling them how much I enjoyed their mother Fran. I went on to say in the letter, how proud Fran was of her daughters and her granddaughters because she had told me so herself.
In addition to those things, I was given a wonderful book called "Nobody's Child Anymore." This book was given to me after my father had died, my last living parent. I had hoped the book would bring them comfort after the loss of their mother, as it had for me after my father's passing. I took all of those things to Jennifer's house and left them with her live in boyfriend.
I have never heard from either one of them since January 2008, neither Betty nor Jennifer even know of my leg losses.
I don't know what happened. I will never know what happened. This has troubled me for a few years now. I was speaking to Bill about this when it first happened and was blaming myself for the friendship loss. He asked, "Why are you blaming yourself?" "Do you feel that you did something to cause them to 'cut' you out of their lives?"
I have probably spent way too much energy on this loss of friendship and in spite of all the expended energy, I honestly do not know why our friendship ended, I haven't a clue. Losing a friendship does not go easily for me, I greatly value friendship and mourn the loss of people who were friends, especially when I can't pinpoint the cause.
I have spoken to numerous people about this incident and everyone I have spoken with have themselves experienced a similar occurance. What do you suppose causes such things to occur? Do some people place less value on friendship than I?
Inexplicable friendship loss could have a few explainations. Perhaps you have done something to upset them and they won't let you know because the don't want to hurt your feelings. Another possible reason could be that you have overestimated the degree of friendship you felt existed between you and the other person.
In my case, sometimes I wonder if it isn't medical issues that make some people feel uncomfortable. They don't know what to say or what to do, so the easiest way out is to just ignore the other person and thus eliminate the potential discomfort. I have been told by some friends that if that is the type of person they really are, than you don't need them in your life anyway.
Once again, the key to lasting friendship is continuous open communication. When people whom you consider to be your friend, all of a sudden distance themselves from you, for whatever reason, it becomes a self-perpetuating situation. Your "used to be" friend hasn't called for example, all the while they may be thinking , I should call them, however they don't take the time to do so. As time goes by, they feel gulity for not calling and can't really justify their not calling and so they never call out of embarassment, thus ending the friendship.
I really find this type of behavior hard to understand, at least with regard to myself. I don't consider myself a difficult person to talk to nor do I condiser myself unforgiving. I understand human nature and those who have felt uncomfortable with dealing with my medical problems, but they need to understand that I am more than my medical issues.
If you are dealing with serious medical issues you should anticipate at least one or two of your former friends to alienate themselves from you. I know this is a sad truth. I take solace in the fact that almost all of the people I consider to be my friends are still here for me. I am thankful for them.
If you should find yourself being one of those people who find it hard to deal with a friend's medical problems, do them a favor and give them a call. Simply picking up the phone and voicing your support can make a real difference in their lives. Take it from me , I know, I live it everyday.
Between the early eighties and 2003 I had also quit drinking, doing drugs and changed my lifestyle completely. I had become a different person. Today, I work out, try to be more health conscious with my food choices and generally take better care of myself physically, mentally and spiritually.
Flash forward to 2007, I was laying out in the sun by Lake Michigan and I sat up and was looking around. I saw a girl jogging with her dog, I thought to myself, she is pretty. Within thirty seconds of that thought, she stopped and turned around and she said, "Glenn?" I didn't recognize her at first, but when I realized it was my old friend Betty, I was thrilled.
Subsequently, we made plans to get together and catch up on each other's lives. We renewed our friendship with vigor. I had remembered her sister, Jennifer, who was in law school way back then. Jennifer is now a successful lawyer, owning her own LaSalle Street law firm. We went to a barbeque at Jennifer's beautiful home in Andersonville, just a few blocks from where I was living then.
I ended up becoming friends with Jennifer and did extensive decorative painting in her beautiful home. I worked feverishly for six to eight monthes on her house and had met her mother. Fran, her mother, was living with Jennifer and her two daughters. Fran was a wonderful lady in her late seventies or early eighties, she was living with Jennifer because she was dying from cancer.
Everything between Betty, Jennifer and myself I thought was going great until I got a blood clot in December 2007. I was out of commission for a six week period and I had scheduled work at Jennifer's home. I called her and explained, she then reassured me I could resume the work when I was physically able.
Right before I was to complete the prescheduled work, I got a late night phone call on my voicemail telling me Jennifer had decided not to go forward with the prescheduled work. I tried relentlessly to call her to see if the work was permenantly cancelled or just postponed temporarily. I have never heard from her since.
A few monthes later Betty and Jennifer's mother, Fran, passed away from cancer. Betty called me with the news, we talked briefly because she was in the throngs of grief and dealing with her mother's death. I tried several times to reach both Betty and Jennifer but it was of no avail.
Since I was unable to reach them, I made them a sympathy card. I also wrote them a beautiful letter telling them how much I enjoyed their mother Fran. I went on to say in the letter, how proud Fran was of her daughters and her granddaughters because she had told me so herself.
In addition to those things, I was given a wonderful book called "Nobody's Child Anymore." This book was given to me after my father had died, my last living parent. I had hoped the book would bring them comfort after the loss of their mother, as it had for me after my father's passing. I took all of those things to Jennifer's house and left them with her live in boyfriend.
I have never heard from either one of them since January 2008, neither Betty nor Jennifer even know of my leg losses.
I don't know what happened. I will never know what happened. This has troubled me for a few years now. I was speaking to Bill about this when it first happened and was blaming myself for the friendship loss. He asked, "Why are you blaming yourself?" "Do you feel that you did something to cause them to 'cut' you out of their lives?"
I have probably spent way too much energy on this loss of friendship and in spite of all the expended energy, I honestly do not know why our friendship ended, I haven't a clue. Losing a friendship does not go easily for me, I greatly value friendship and mourn the loss of people who were friends, especially when I can't pinpoint the cause.
I have spoken to numerous people about this incident and everyone I have spoken with have themselves experienced a similar occurance. What do you suppose causes such things to occur? Do some people place less value on friendship than I?
Inexplicable friendship loss could have a few explainations. Perhaps you have done something to upset them and they won't let you know because the don't want to hurt your feelings. Another possible reason could be that you have overestimated the degree of friendship you felt existed between you and the other person.
In my case, sometimes I wonder if it isn't medical issues that make some people feel uncomfortable. They don't know what to say or what to do, so the easiest way out is to just ignore the other person and thus eliminate the potential discomfort. I have been told by some friends that if that is the type of person they really are, than you don't need them in your life anyway.
Once again, the key to lasting friendship is continuous open communication. When people whom you consider to be your friend, all of a sudden distance themselves from you, for whatever reason, it becomes a self-perpetuating situation. Your "used to be" friend hasn't called for example, all the while they may be thinking , I should call them, however they don't take the time to do so. As time goes by, they feel gulity for not calling and can't really justify their not calling and so they never call out of embarassment, thus ending the friendship.
I really find this type of behavior hard to understand, at least with regard to myself. I don't consider myself a difficult person to talk to nor do I condiser myself unforgiving. I understand human nature and those who have felt uncomfortable with dealing with my medical problems, but they need to understand that I am more than my medical issues.
If you are dealing with serious medical issues you should anticipate at least one or two of your former friends to alienate themselves from you. I know this is a sad truth. I take solace in the fact that almost all of the people I consider to be my friends are still here for me. I am thankful for them.
If you should find yourself being one of those people who find it hard to deal with a friend's medical problems, do them a favor and give them a call. Simply picking up the phone and voicing your support can make a real difference in their lives. Take it from me , I know, I live it everyday.
Friday, June 24, 2011
Part A: True Friendship
How many people, other than family, were you friends with ten years ago that you are still friends with today? It has been said to me on more than one occasion that I am lucky to have so many good friends, I think blessed is a better word than lucky.
As we know there are many different types of friendship, some are casual, some last a while and then end and some, if we are fortunate enough, we, our friends and ourselves, establish over time, a true and genuine friendship.
The importance of having true friendships cannot be overstated. My truest and strongest friendships were really tested throughout all of the medical trials and tribulations I underwent, that ultimately led to the loss of both of my legs.
Amazingly some friends were willing to participate directly in my pre and post operative situations, some were there in other ways and some seemed to have drifted away from me and all of my medical problems. Why?
My friend, Steve, has voiced to me that he believes that some people just drift in and drift out of our lives. You are friends for while and our lives and situations change and with that change, our friendship drifts apart, ultimately ending. I agree with Steve to an extent, however, I believe the likelihood of a friendship enduring over time, takes mutual participation on both sides. The willingness of both sides of a friendship to participate by being a part of each other's lives, regardless of distance or life changing events, will determine whether a friendship will continue to survive and hopefully thrive, or will eventually end.
Sometimes, based on other people's actions, I think perhaps they do not place the importance of frienships in their lives that I tend to place them in my life. Occasionally, I have mistook the type of friendship that existed between me and another, mistaking a casual acquaintance, for a true friend.
I have lost some friendships that I had thought would be long lasting and yet the friendship did not last. If you have disappointed a friend in some way, shouldn't the friend let you know what it was you did to disappoint them and thus allow you the chance to make amends?
In one instance, a person I was friends with for over ten years, severed our friendship over a small amount of money that was owed to her by me. I realize that the lending and borrowing of money can cause problems, and in an ideal world should be avoided. However, life happens, and sometimes you have to ask someone else to help you financially.
It seems reasonable to me that if the debt you owe is bothering them, they, as your friend, should let you know. It was my experience that I had mentioned the debt to my friend, acknowledging the fact that I realized I still owed them, but was unable to repay them at that time. Not being honest and upfront about your true feelings toward any given situation can be detrimental to your friendship. Communication between friends is essential if the friendship is going to endure.
It has been pointed out to me that in the aforementioned scenario, perhaps the person to whom I owed money, felt awkward about mentioning the debt, and so did not. Instead, at least from my perspective, she let this resentment she felt toward me and the debt, fester in her mind to the point she felt I was taking advantage of her. All the while, I had no idea how she felt.
What was most hurtful me is the fact that I wasn't given a chance to make amends and correct the situation, instead I was tried, convicted and sentenced. Instead of talking the situation through and coming to a mutual agreement, I received a letter from her demanding the balance owed her and she expressed the fact that "things were not going well." What she meant by that I have no idea, had her confidence level in our friendship remained intact, she would have told me what was going on in her life, as she had always done in the past.
I regret what happened between she and I. In the past she was a terrific loving friend. It still baffles me why she chose to sever our friendship instead of communicating her feelings to me and allowing us to jump this hurtle together and continue our friendship.
First and foremost no one wants to borrow money from another person, the borrowing of money is usually a last ditch effort to try to meet financial obligations. In my case, given the onslaught of all of the medical issues I have had to face, comes devasting financial consequences. Imagine, if you can that your ability to work is taken away from you, what would you do financially?
There have been many friends and family in my life who have helped me financially through these difficult medical issues, for that I am eternally grateful. Most of my friends know my financial situation and understand how financially ruinous my medical issues have been for me.
Having compassion is an important component of friendship, by placing yourself in your friend's situation, as best as is possible, will help you understand what they are going through.
Recently one of my dearest friends, Marguerite, came to visit me. She came to see me and she wanted to plant summer flowers on my balcony for me to enjoy, a task that has become quite challenging for me to do for myself since my total leg loss. While she was here she also went to the grocery, bought food for me and left a check on the counter, all of the things she accomplished, she did without my having to ask. When she bought the food and offered the check, tears welled up in my eyes (as they are as I am writing this).
I told Marguerite the difficulty I feel in having to accept help with such things as groceries and so forth, she understood my feelings. Marguerite went on to say that she derived pleasure from helping me, it made her feel good. She continued to explain that she herself had been helped by others in the past, and this was her way of remembering that and passing it on to another.
She asked me if the tables were turned, would I offer help to her? This was a rhetorical question because she already knew in her heart, that there was nothing I would not do for her or her husband, Paul, that was within my capacity.
This is friendship in it's truest sense, being there for each other no matter what happens. Helping your friend with complete confidence and knowing that they will always do the same for you, if the situation were reversed.
I told my sister, Rhonda, that sometimes I feel like all I do is take and not give back enough in return, she said you obviously give back enough or else they would not still be your friend.
I hope that is true.
As we know there are many different types of friendship, some are casual, some last a while and then end and some, if we are fortunate enough, we, our friends and ourselves, establish over time, a true and genuine friendship.
The importance of having true friendships cannot be overstated. My truest and strongest friendships were really tested throughout all of the medical trials and tribulations I underwent, that ultimately led to the loss of both of my legs.
Amazingly some friends were willing to participate directly in my pre and post operative situations, some were there in other ways and some seemed to have drifted away from me and all of my medical problems. Why?
My friend, Steve, has voiced to me that he believes that some people just drift in and drift out of our lives. You are friends for while and our lives and situations change and with that change, our friendship drifts apart, ultimately ending. I agree with Steve to an extent, however, I believe the likelihood of a friendship enduring over time, takes mutual participation on both sides. The willingness of both sides of a friendship to participate by being a part of each other's lives, regardless of distance or life changing events, will determine whether a friendship will continue to survive and hopefully thrive, or will eventually end.
Sometimes, based on other people's actions, I think perhaps they do not place the importance of frienships in their lives that I tend to place them in my life. Occasionally, I have mistook the type of friendship that existed between me and another, mistaking a casual acquaintance, for a true friend.
I have lost some friendships that I had thought would be long lasting and yet the friendship did not last. If you have disappointed a friend in some way, shouldn't the friend let you know what it was you did to disappoint them and thus allow you the chance to make amends?
In one instance, a person I was friends with for over ten years, severed our friendship over a small amount of money that was owed to her by me. I realize that the lending and borrowing of money can cause problems, and in an ideal world should be avoided. However, life happens, and sometimes you have to ask someone else to help you financially.
It seems reasonable to me that if the debt you owe is bothering them, they, as your friend, should let you know. It was my experience that I had mentioned the debt to my friend, acknowledging the fact that I realized I still owed them, but was unable to repay them at that time. Not being honest and upfront about your true feelings toward any given situation can be detrimental to your friendship. Communication between friends is essential if the friendship is going to endure.
It has been pointed out to me that in the aforementioned scenario, perhaps the person to whom I owed money, felt awkward about mentioning the debt, and so did not. Instead, at least from my perspective, she let this resentment she felt toward me and the debt, fester in her mind to the point she felt I was taking advantage of her. All the while, I had no idea how she felt.
What was most hurtful me is the fact that I wasn't given a chance to make amends and correct the situation, instead I was tried, convicted and sentenced. Instead of talking the situation through and coming to a mutual agreement, I received a letter from her demanding the balance owed her and she expressed the fact that "things were not going well." What she meant by that I have no idea, had her confidence level in our friendship remained intact, she would have told me what was going on in her life, as she had always done in the past.
I regret what happened between she and I. In the past she was a terrific loving friend. It still baffles me why she chose to sever our friendship instead of communicating her feelings to me and allowing us to jump this hurtle together and continue our friendship.
First and foremost no one wants to borrow money from another person, the borrowing of money is usually a last ditch effort to try to meet financial obligations. In my case, given the onslaught of all of the medical issues I have had to face, comes devasting financial consequences. Imagine, if you can that your ability to work is taken away from you, what would you do financially?
There have been many friends and family in my life who have helped me financially through these difficult medical issues, for that I am eternally grateful. Most of my friends know my financial situation and understand how financially ruinous my medical issues have been for me.
Having compassion is an important component of friendship, by placing yourself in your friend's situation, as best as is possible, will help you understand what they are going through.
Recently one of my dearest friends, Marguerite, came to visit me. She came to see me and she wanted to plant summer flowers on my balcony for me to enjoy, a task that has become quite challenging for me to do for myself since my total leg loss. While she was here she also went to the grocery, bought food for me and left a check on the counter, all of the things she accomplished, she did without my having to ask. When she bought the food and offered the check, tears welled up in my eyes (as they are as I am writing this).
I told Marguerite the difficulty I feel in having to accept help with such things as groceries and so forth, she understood my feelings. Marguerite went on to say that she derived pleasure from helping me, it made her feel good. She continued to explain that she herself had been helped by others in the past, and this was her way of remembering that and passing it on to another.
She asked me if the tables were turned, would I offer help to her? This was a rhetorical question because she already knew in her heart, that there was nothing I would not do for her or her husband, Paul, that was within my capacity.
This is friendship in it's truest sense, being there for each other no matter what happens. Helping your friend with complete confidence and knowing that they will always do the same for you, if the situation were reversed.
I told my sister, Rhonda, that sometimes I feel like all I do is take and not give back enough in return, she said you obviously give back enough or else they would not still be your friend.
I hope that is true.
Sunday, June 19, 2011
FRIENDSHIP AN INTRODUCTION
One of the greatest aspects of our lives can be our friendships. If we are lucky we, our friends and ourselves, can develop long lasting, cherished and fulfilling relationships together.
What I would like to discuss in the next few upcoming blog entries are different types of friendships we develop in the course of our lives.
We have casual friendships, those people whom we may see several times during the course of a week but we are just exchanging pleasantries, hellos and surface conversation. These casual encounters can be at work, the grocery, the gym and so forth, but they never develop past that point. Why is that? Could it be the circumstances under which we meet that determine the level of friendship that develops or doesn't develop?
I know that I have sometimes had a casual friendship and it has progressed into a deeper friendship. Conversely, I have met people whom I thought I could or would become closer friends with but for whatever reason it didn't turn out that way.
When we meet a person for the first time, we as human beings, make an instantaneous judgment, or perhaps a better word would be evaluation, based first on their appearance. Sometimes we do not even formally meet the person, before the evaluation process begins. We simply see them visually and begin to form an opinion of that person.
I, for one, have made so many miscalulations in my first impression of another based solely on their appearance or on their actions. Why do we do this? It only stands to reason that they are doing the same things with regard to us, if they have even bothered to notice us at all.
In the next few blog entries I will be discussing lifelong friendships, how or why they develop and why the stand the test of time and longevity. I will also be talking about friends who have disappointed us, to the degree that the friendship deteriorated beyond repair, and thus ended.
Additionally, I will touch upon friends we have disappointed and the role we played in their disapproval or disappointment in us or our friendship together. I will be addressing friends who enter and exit our lives and the impact they played during certain periods of our lives.
Further, I will be detailing the various experiences I have had during the course of my leg loss, how that loss affects my friends and how they dealt or are dealing with my medical consequence.
I hope these next few blog writings will help us understand each other better and perhaps make us reexamine the role we play in each other's lives.
What I would like to discuss in the next few upcoming blog entries are different types of friendships we develop in the course of our lives.
We have casual friendships, those people whom we may see several times during the course of a week but we are just exchanging pleasantries, hellos and surface conversation. These casual encounters can be at work, the grocery, the gym and so forth, but they never develop past that point. Why is that? Could it be the circumstances under which we meet that determine the level of friendship that develops or doesn't develop?
I know that I have sometimes had a casual friendship and it has progressed into a deeper friendship. Conversely, I have met people whom I thought I could or would become closer friends with but for whatever reason it didn't turn out that way.
When we meet a person for the first time, we as human beings, make an instantaneous judgment, or perhaps a better word would be evaluation, based first on their appearance. Sometimes we do not even formally meet the person, before the evaluation process begins. We simply see them visually and begin to form an opinion of that person.
I, for one, have made so many miscalulations in my first impression of another based solely on their appearance or on their actions. Why do we do this? It only stands to reason that they are doing the same things with regard to us, if they have even bothered to notice us at all.
In the next few blog entries I will be discussing lifelong friendships, how or why they develop and why the stand the test of time and longevity. I will also be talking about friends who have disappointed us, to the degree that the friendship deteriorated beyond repair, and thus ended.
Additionally, I will touch upon friends we have disappointed and the role we played in their disapproval or disappointment in us or our friendship together. I will be addressing friends who enter and exit our lives and the impact they played during certain periods of our lives.
Further, I will be detailing the various experiences I have had during the course of my leg loss, how that loss affects my friends and how they dealt or are dealing with my medical consequence.
I hope these next few blog writings will help us understand each other better and perhaps make us reexamine the role we play in each other's lives.
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