Having Compassion

This is a self portrait I recently painted

Yes I know it has been a long time. I have no excuse for not having written sooner.

Something disillusioning happened yesterday at the RIC gym where I workout a couple of times a week. There is a guy there, I will call him Tom. Tom has be afflicted with multiple schelorsis and is in pretty bad shape. I have so much admiration for him and his tenacity. He tries so hard and despite all that has befallen him, his attitude is one of positivity and hope.

For about the last 6-9 months I have been helping him in whatever way I can, giving him workout tips, helping him grip weights in his uncooperative hands and just generally encouraging him in whatever capacity seems appropriate at the time. After a while we became gym friends.

Tom is in an electric wheelchair because his condition is such that he cannot operate a manual chair. At one point in time he felt comfortable enough to ask me to help him in the bathroom. Tom's hands are so debilitated he cannot undo his belt nor can he unzip his zipper. What I do is move his legs off the foot rest of his wheelchair, this is something he needs to have done to help him to urinate. I also undo his belt and unzip his pants for him.

I must admit I felt a little uncomfortable at first, but that pales in comparison to how he must feel having to ask for my help. Tom pees into a styrofoam cup, he cannot use the urinal and I am unable help him get onto the toilet. The simplest thing to do is to do what he does. After urinating into the cup he pours it down the sink, rinses the sink and rinses his hands.

While he is taking care of business, I look the other way and make small talk, easing the situation and making both he and I more comfortable. When he is finished, I zip up his pants, refasten his belt and put his legs back on the footrest of the wheelchair, then we get back to the business of working out.

We have been doing this for months and often times other men come into and out of the restroom without incident. Yesterday we did what we always do and there were a lot of guys in and out of the bathroom. There was an older man with some type of leg brace and when he saw Tom pour the urine down the sink, he said in a very loud voice, "Don't pour that down the sink, pour it in the urinal. People use that sink to wash their hands."

This was quite embarrassing for Tom and I knew it. I looked up at the rude insensitive man and I said in none too friendly a tone, "Leave him alone, he is doing the best he can do." I was furious, I could feel my blood boiling over and I wanted him to say something more about it because had he persued it further, I was really going to let him have it. Fortunately for him he dropped it.

It didn't make sense to me that a man who was somewhat incapacitated himself could be so insensitive to another's plight. Where is the understanding and sympathy? It seemed to me that this man was angry and bitter about his own situation and his bitterness would not allow him to see past his own situation. One look at Tom's poor mangled body should have evoked feelings of compassion, a willingness to want to help or some small grain of understanding,  but oviously  it did not.

As I have stated in previous blog posts, one of things I find most rewarding about working out at the RIC gym is the comradery between gym patrons. The lack of judgment and the total acceptance of everyone toward the other is what makes this gym so unique. I guess this man didn't get the memo.

Even though I have lost both of my legs, I realize there are scenarios that are worse. At RIC I am able to help others, and it gives me great pleasure to do so. I am thankful I have full use of my arms and hands and if I can put them to use to help another I am going to do it, without hesitation and with gratefulness.

My aunt, Lynda, who has been stricken with Parkinson's Disease, told me in a conversation we had that when someone else helps you, they are not only helping you, they are also helping themselves, both have been blessed. It is a mutual benefication. I try to remember that when I myself feel burdensome to others.

We are all in this together, but by God's grace anyone could find themselves in any of a myriad of unfortunate circumstances, and we owe it to each other to make life easier and happier in whatever way we can.

*To leave a comment hit the comment button below, or write to me personally at: glennartinc@yahoo.com

Biloxi Trip Part 2

Marguerite and myself at MacElroy's Restaurant having lunch.

Outside the restaurant, notice the shrimping boats behind me.

Ok it looks like the website is cooperating so I can continue writing about my trip. What made my trip so special was that my friends went out of their way to make things as easy and comfortable as possible for me. Paul made some makeshift ramps to help me get from the garage into the house and from the house to the screened in porch. They even went so far as to give me their master bedroom and bath to make it more comfortable and easier to use the bathroom not to speak of more privacy.

I did something I have not done before while in Biloxi, as you know I like to workout and I was a little concerned about missing an entire week of exercise while on vacation. I went to a regular gym, not a gym for persons with disabilities, but a regular gym,  not only did I go but I wore my short legs there also. You need to understand what an accomplishment this was for me. To go to a gym that is designed specifically for persons with disabilities and wearing short legs is not really a big deal because the other gym patrons have a whole host of problems from MS, paralysis, blindness, etc., however, in this case I was the only person with an obvious disability and then wearing those short legs also. 

I ended up going there three times with Paul and it was nice to be able to use some of the machines not offered at the gym I normally go to in Chicago. Not surprisingly I was able to master most of the machines I wanted to use with a few exceptions. I really enjoyed it. I remember Paul mentioned to me toward the end of my visit that it wasn't so bad going, he  did not notice anyone staring at me, I quickly interjected I did notice people staring although they do it on the sly. I guess you would have to be in my position to understand but nonetheless, I am glad I did it and the people at the desk in the gym were very nice and friendly.

A strange thing happened the last day Paul and I were at the gym, as I mentioned in Part 1 of this 2 part blog post, I had forgotten to bring my handicapped parking placard, that meant we could not park in any of the eight designated handicapped parking spaces. What I did was to stay in one of the handicapped spaces in my wheelchair donning my short legs and wait for Paul to pull the car around to pick me up, no problem right? Bear in mind that there were eight spaces provided for disabled persons, on this particular day as I was waiting for Paul to pick me up, all eight of the spaces were vacant. I am sitting in my chair waiting and a woman pulls up in her car and proceeds to pull into the space where I am. I had to move in order for her to park there, all the while there are seven other vacant spaces where she could have parked! I did notice she had a placard hanging on her rearview mirror, I was dismayed at what she had done.

I mentioned it to Paul and he immediately got out of the car and confronted her asking her why she had forced me to move when there were many other spaces available. She claimed I had moved when I saw her pulling in. Paul said of course he moved he didn't want you to hit him. She said it was just a misunderstanding, but you would expect more from a person who is allegedly disabled herself. After it was over, I told Paul he did not have to do that, he said yes Glenn I did, it needed to be addressed. I thanked him for addressing the situation and he said I would have addressed it regardless, but I was sure glad it wasn't a 6'2" bodybuilder. We both laughed. My point is that people are often just oblivious to what is going on around them, or they just don't care, either way I mention this because I want you, my readers, to be aware and realize things similar to this happen all the time.

On a much lighter note, Paul and Marguerite have this zero radius riding lawn mower that has hand controls and I ended up driving it around their three acre yard, it was a blast. After I figured out how to get on the thing, I was tooling around all over the place. It really gave me a sense of freedom. Actually the entire trip gave me a sense of freedom and accomplishment.

After we were a few days into my visit, Marguerite looked at me and said, "You know what we should do?" I asked, "What?" she replied, "We should make this an annual trip. What do you think?" I responded by telling her I would really like that a lot.

Although there were many more things we did and said to each other on my visit, suffice it to say it was a really fun and relaxing trip and I loved spending time with my dear friends and through it all, I experienced a lot of things that I might otherwise not have experienced. I am truly thankful that although I have suffered through a lot of losses in my life, I also have be blessed with really special friends. Friends I know I can always count on through thick and thin. It doesn't get any better than that.

This is that zero radius riding lawn mower, so much fun to drive.

*To leave a comment hit the comment button below, to write to me personally I can be reached at: glennartinc@yahoo.com

Biloxi Trip Part 1

I have been back from my trip to Biloxi Mississippi for about nine days. I had a wonderful time full of excitement, fun and relaxation. As planned, I flew into New Orleans, my friends Marguerite and Paul met me at the gate and we spent the afternoon in New Orleans.

As you recall this the first time I have flown alone since the loss of my second leg, as expected, and with precise planning everything went forth without a hitch. The airports, Chicago O'Hare and the Louis Armstrong in International Airport  in New Orleans, both were quite accommodating with respect to traveling while in a wheelchair.

Both coming and going through both airports I did not have to wait to receive my own wheelchair upon landing. I touched upon the procedure of boarding a jet in my last blog post but now after having experienced it I feel I can elaborate more exactly what to expect. As I was told you have to transfer from your own wheelchair to what they call a "aisle chair." This aisle chair is a mini wheelchair of sorts, much more narrow than a standard wheelchair and you must be pushed in it as it does not have the large wheels that allow you to propel yourself.

Moreover, you transfer chair to chair on the jetway right before being wheeled into the plane. I was surprised about the number of belts they use to strap you in the aisle chair. They use four belts, one across your legs, one around your abdominal area and two that criss cross your chest. The toughest part of that for me was getting across that 3 or 4 inch gap between the jetway and the actual plane itself. I suppose this is  because I am so used to doing things myself and am not accustomed to being pushed or not being in control of the wheelchair. When I arrived at my seat, it was the very first seat in first class and I remarked to the flight attendant, I felt like I was strapped in for a trip to Mars.

The flight went well and I did have a couple of Mimosas in the last hour of my flight being conscious of the necessity of not having to use the bathroom by drinking too much of anything too soon. I am still unsure how a bilateral amputee would navigate using the bathroom. I know they have an aisle chair on the plane and would wheel you to the door of the restroom but the problem lies in the fact that even if you could (and I am not sure) fit through the doorway,  I don't think you could possibly turn around to position yourself to transfer to the toilet. I guess I will have to figure that one out when the actual opportunity presents itself, although that seems a little too late.

One of the many things I enjoyed on my trip was that I actually got in my wheelchair and rolled down the sidewalk in New Orleans and got a real feel for the area. God bless Paul for all the times he took the wheelchair in and out of the car for me. We went up on one of the levies and I looked at the mighty Mississippi River, a vast expanse of muddy water with beautiful bridges and various vessels.

Before I forget if you are embarking on such a trip, don't do what I did and forget to bring your handicapped parking placard. I could have kicked myself a dozen times for that faux pas.

We had lunch in New Orleans at a place called "Two Sisters of the Court" an old building that like so many in New Orleans have courtyards in the center of the building. Great food, beautiful outdoor ambience, typical of New Orleans and just the type of place I wanted to experience.



I took this pic right after I got out of the car in New Orleans, I knew I would use it in this blog.

One of the things I loved about New Orleans was of course its old world charm, many of the buildings are old and famous for their balconies decorated with ornate scrolled wrought iron railings.



This is typical of New Orleans architecture.


For some unknown reason I cannot get this BlogSpot.com to cooperate and go back to the font it is supposed to use to continue writing, I think this is a good opportunity to sign off and continue this at a later date. Stay tuned for the rest of my trip to Biloxi part 2.

 



Flying Solo

I had this photo taken at the RIC gym last week.

Ok, so I have already blown it with respect to the fact I was going to write more regularly than I did last year. I did not write anything last month,  however,  in my defense, or to offer up an excuse, I have been painting a lot lately. I guess it is all good and all a means of expressing myself, whether writing or painting.

Good news, I am going to visit my friends Marguerite and Paul in Biloxi next week. This will be the first time I have flown since the loss of my second leg over three years ago. In fact this will be the first time I have flown alone since the loss of either leg. Back in 2010 as you recall, I went on that cruise with my friend Shawn but we flew together from Chicago to Fort Lauderdale. This time I will be entirely on my own.

Fortunately my dear friends M and P are giving me this trip as a belated Christmas gift and to make it even more wonderful, I will be flying first class. I have never flown first class, I think the main reason they opted for first class was to make this trip easier for me. I will have more room, it will be more comfortable and it is a direct flight. I am actually flying into New Orleans where they  will pick me up and we will spend an afternoon in New Orleans then afterward we will make the 90 minute drive back to Biloxi.

With the help and advice of some friends I think I have all my bases covered. I actually called American Airlines, spoke to someone in "Special Services" I explained about my being a wheelchair user and I wanted them to explain step by step what and how to do everything.

When I arrive at the airport, my assistant, Frank will let me off in front of American Airlines and I will do a curb side baggage check in. I am going to download my boarding pass from my computer before I leave home. I will ask the skycab person to get me an attendant who will take me to security and wait while I am checked through security and then the attendant will take me to my gate.

I am not sure, having never flown first class, whether or not I will preboard 30 minutes early because I am flying first class or because I am a wheelchair user. Nonetheless, I was told I will transfer from my wheelchair to a smaller wheelchair that will fit down the aisle, then I will transfer from that smaller wheelchair to my aisle seat.

Fortunately this is only a 2 1/2 hour flight so I am not that worried about having to go to the bathroom. If it were a longer flight I am not sure how I would handle the bathroom aspect of the flight. There are so many more things to take into consideration when you are in a wheelchair than when you can walk freely.

If you are in a wheelchair, my advise to you is to mentally play out the trip in your mind before you embark. Call the airlines in advance with any questions or concerns you may have and be prepared, taking time to make sure all aspects of your trip are taken care of in advance. As you may know most anything is possible even though you use a wheelchair, it just takes more time and more planning.

Most airlines make exceptions about friends and family meeting special needs individuals, allowing them to meet you at the gate  (like the old days) and take you to baggage claim. It is probably not a good idea to drink too much before and during your flight to eliminate the need to deal with having to use those cramped airplane bathrooms. My plan is to wait until about an hour before we land and then have a little something to drink.

I know all of this may sound almost childlike but sometimes we forget and have a couple of cups of coffee and that could turn into a real nightmare. Of course if you are an amputee like me, there are all those things to remember to bring, like in my case, I am taking my short legs and wearing my long legs, my long leg charger, walkers, canes etc it seems endless sometimes.

With a little forethought you can have a pleasant flight both coming and going. This will be quite an adventure and I am looking forward to sharing how it all went when I return...until then take care.

*To leave a comment hit the comment button below, to reach me personally write to glennartinc@yahoo.com

My Grandmother

This is a photograph taken on my Grandparent's 50th Anniversary.

Ask yourself who is or was the most positive influential person in your life? For me, it was my Grandmother, Lucille Wheeler. On January 29, 2014 it will be twenty five years since her passing. When I look back on my childhood,  it was my Grandparents who were the "rock of stability" in my life as I grew up. Having gone through my parent's  divorces from each other twice, it was my Grandmother who was always there, never flinching, strong, loving, and dependable.

There are so many happy memories of Mom ( we called my Grandmother Mom, never Grandma). She would always welcome any and all of her ten grandchildren with open arms and a welcomed hug. She never shyed away from demonstrative love, it was she who taught me to show love to others.

Mom who worked hard all of her life, taught me how to be a good person, about honesty, truthfulness, living as good a life as possible. Words cannot adequately describe how much I attribute the kind of person I am today to my Grandmother. She lived her life by actions, not just by mere words, she demonstrated genuineness and goodness in all she did. In a childhood wrought with the usual fighting and arguing that comes along with divorce, it was at my Grandparent's home I found solace.

I think of  Mom often and in a way I am glad she never lived long enough to see me go through the loss of my legs; it would have broken her heart to see one of her grandchildren suffer such a devastating loss. I must credit some of the  strength I feel I have demonstrated, to my Grandmother, a very strong person in her own right and well deserving of the title, family Matriarch. Mom held her family together through many tragic events and we all surfaced stronger and better people for the experiences we endured and for having such a positive influence in our lives.

After I moved to Chicago in 1980, Mom would write a letter to me once a week, long before the days of emails, and at the close of each letter she would sign it, "May God bless you in a very special this week. Love, Mom." God did bless me, giving me such a wonderful Grandmother whose very words and actions shape my life even to this day.

After Mom retired at 62 years of age, she decided to take driving lessons and learn to drive a car for the first time in her life. Think about how much gumption that took, just a little insight into what kind of a person she was, unafraid, brave, and determined. I hope I have even a small percentage of her zest for life, goodness of heart, and strength of character.

A lot has happened in the twenty five years since  we lost my blessed Grandmother, and although she is not here physically, her spirit is with all of us now and forever. Thanks Mom, I know you are aware of what I am writing now and that you are just as proud of your grandson and I am of my Grandmother. I miss you so much!

Love, Little Glenn

*To leave a comment hit the comment button below, to contact me personally write to: glennartinc@yahoo.com

The Fire 10 Years Later

This a statue on an angel Bill gave me for my birthday October 2013

Recently here in Chicago there was an apartment fire that ironically took place in the same building that I lived in when I first moved to Chicago in 1980. This caught my attention because it has been ten years since a mysterious fire devastated mine and Kevin's apartment in January 2004. In another twist of irony our apartment was right up the street from this other fire that just occurred a week ago.

I cannot begin to adequately express how all encompassing a fire can be to one's life, impacting not only where you were living but also relationships with other people either directly or indirectly. As a direct consequence of the fire that Kevin and I endured, our roommate arrangement came to an abrupt end and our friendship suffered greatly. Kevin ended up moving to Florida and living with one of his sisters.

Regretably year and a half after the fire, in June 2005, Kevin passed away from liver cancer. I never got to see Kevin again, this has troubled me for years. I take some comfort in knowing he did receive a card I sent to him while he was in the hospital and the card expressed my feelings of love for him as my best friend for twenty five years.

Immediately after the fire I was overwhelmed with the damage the fire had caused and how I was going to pick up the pieces and move forward. Bill was instrumental is so many ways in helping me not only physically move what belongings of mine were salvageable but also being a rock of stability on which I could lean for emotional support. I will never forget walking into that severely burnt apartment and immediately bursting into tears. I called Bill and he was beacon of hope armed with a plan about how to approach my situation systematically, allowing me to address specific tasks and accomplish  short term goals. The first of which was to move enough of my belongings into my new apartment to be able to sleep there that very night.

Within a week of moving into my new apartment I suffered a blood clot in my right leg. I was hospitalized for 10 days and fortunately the clot was able to be dissolved. I am simplifying this ordeal, it was still a very involved set of procedures in which I suffered a great deal of physical pain. It was probably the complete set of circumstances of helping move heavy furniture across the street and up the stairs, coupled with the emotional distress of the entire fire fiasco that led to the blot clot.

The beginning of 2004 was a very difficult time for me in a myriad of ways. I had lost a great deal of my belongings from the  fire, I had a huge fight and separation from my best friend of over twenty five years and ended up in the hospital with a blood clot.

One of the reasons I am recounting these events is to let my readers know that no matter how hopeless a series of events may seem to you as you are living them, there always remains the glimmer of hope for a brighter future. I have lived through many difficult times in my life; the loss of many close friends, the loss of my artwork through another person's act of violence, the loss of my artwork through a fire, many operations, and the loss of both of my legs, one at a time.

Ten years after this fire, I am here, I am well, and I am thankful. I am thankful I am here to share my story with you and to offer you sympathy, compassion, and understanding for whatever loss you may be suffering today or tomorrow. Even though circumstances in our lives change, it is our responsibility to change along with them. I found through my life experiences that when things seem to be overwhelming, it is best to address one issue at a time.

I have dealt with the loss of many close friends by remembering the good times and for me, remembering that although people are not here in a physical sense, they are here with us spiritually; that has brought me comfort through the years. I dealt with the fire by focusing on getting my life back on track, it helps if you have someone in your life to help direct you and assure you things will be ok. I had Bill and his being here for me has helped me immeasurably.

The loss of a limb or in my case both lower limbs has been by far the most life changing event of my life thus far. I made a conscious decision after the loss of my first leg that I was not going to let this occurrence ruin my life. I was not going to allow a terrible loss dictate my future happiness. I have stuck to my resolve and although it has been quite difficult, I always remain optimistic about my future.

Everyone deals with loss differently but that does not mean you cannot deal with it successfully. I feel the magnitude of my limb loss everyday, but it has, in it's own unique way, changed me for the better. It has made me a more aware and thankful person in many ways. Sometimes when change occurs, those changes that on the surface appear to be for the worse, can in other areas of your life, make you grow as a person.

If you find yourself going through a really difficult time, remember that it will, in most instances, not last forever. If it does last forever, every person has within themselves the capacity to overcome adversity. I send my love and hope for your future happiness no matter how devastating your situation may seem at the present moment.

The picture posted at the beginning of this blog post has no real relevance to what I have written, but I like it and it is a beautiful statue and that is reason enough for me to share it with you.

*To leave a comment hit the comment button below, to reach me directly, write to glennartinc@yahoo.com

A New Year

This is a photo taken during my first Christmas in my condo in 2007, I am sitting in front of the Christmas tree with Bill's dog, Cyril.




Well another year has begun and I thought I would review some of the events that occurred during 2013 along with thoughts and hopes for 2014.

Probably one of the most constructive and beneficial accomplishments of 2013 was my joining the Rehabilitation Institute of Chicago's gym for persons with disabilities. It will be a year in February that I have been going to RIC and although I have mentioned it before, it warrants repeating. I have met a lot of interesting people at RIC and most importantly those people have taught me just how lucky I am. There are so many others whose  physical limitations are much more pronounced than are mine and it has made me rethink how unrestricted I actually am compared to some of the other patrons at RIC.

The above realizations coupled with being physically back in a gym, make me a happier person. There are a lot of exercises that I can do at RIC that I was not able to do at home because I lack the proper equipment and RIC offers a free personal assistant on the gym floor to assist patrons with all aspects of working out.

Another accomplishment I am proud to have completed was staining the rooftop deck of my condo building. This was a project that desperately needed to be done and I am happy to report I was able to do almost the entire  thing by myself. I did enlist the help of my friend Brian to do the areas I was not physically capable of reaching. This was an opportunity for me to make some money and at the same time show everyone including myself that there are jobs I am still capable of doing.

I had my balcony elevated so that I can now get out onto the balcony with a minimum of effort and enjoy weeding and watering my own flowers, something I had greatly missed doing for the past five years.

Through much trial, error and drama I finally managed to find a suitable roommate. One would think that finding a roommate would be a somewhat easy thing to do, however this did not prove to be the case. After my first roommate got ill and went back to live in his home state, I found another roommate who ended up being a drug addicted, alcoholic, mentally unstable individual. Upon his forced removal I finally managed to find a law student named Charles. He and I have been roommates for seven months and things are going well between he and I. Charles will continue to be my roommate until at least July, perhaps and hopefully longer.

Over the past year I have not driven my car very much, mostly because it is in need of repair and I have let the city sticker, license plates and insurance expire. I am going to rectify that situation this year, I feel I have become too dependent on my assistant for rides and such. The main reason is of course lack of sufficient funds, but I have a tentative plan.

If all goes according to my plan, I would like to paint the two hallways of my condo building this year. I have already spoken to the board president about this and am currently trying to figure out who can help me reach those areas that I cannot reach by myself. I have spoken to my nephew, Jeremiah about assisting me, however I do not know for sure if he will be able to help me.

I plan on using that money to get all the car stuff done so that instead of having my assistant drive me to the RIC gym in his car, I will drive my car and he will drive it back home. I miss driving and I particularly miss the independence that driving your own car gives a person. When you are disabled you already have had to give up many of the freedoms that able bodied persons take for granted. It is important to me to hang onto as many freedoms as I can and maintain as much autonomy as possible.

I am also going to investigate the possibility of doing some type of computer work at home to supplement my income. I completed four paintings in the last year and am currently working on a fifth, along with numerous personally painted greeting cards for friends and family.

I kind of got a little lazy with this blog this past  year, sometimes only writing one post in an entire month, I am going to be writing more this year than last. I guess one could say I ran into a writer's block or something, or perhaps that is just an excuse writers use because they were not motivated or were simply being lazy.

I read something recently that reminded me that we as individuals, whether disabled or able bodied, sometimes put ourselves down. This can come in many forms from making statements to others about ourselves or even thinking and saying negative things to ourselves about ourselves; this is something I am going make a conscientious effort to curtail and hopefully eliminate. We have all heard of self fulfilling prophecy and if we are not careful about what we say and think about ourselves we can inadvertently set ourselves up for failure and unhappiness.

On that note I will close by saying that last year was a good year with more accomplishments than failures and I am looking forward to a good year in 2014. I think as I push forward in my journey that I am growing as a person, ever closer to being the best person I can be.

I wish all of you, my readers, a smooth path on which to walk, roll or whatever, bringing you closer to your life mission, closer to God and closer to each other.

*To leave message hit the comments button below or contact me personally at: glennartinc@yahoo.com

A Glorious Day (Part 2)

This is a view of the main living area of my condo.

After all names were collected of those who were to be a part of the lottery drawing, they were placed in one of those wire enclosed tumbler type of things. Helen Schiller, Alderman of the 46th ward and the original founder of the program, was on hand to draw the names from the wire basket. Helen Schiller and I knew each other because I had been at two previous lotteries and also she was personal friends with my dear friend Marguerite. We had met at Marguerite's retirement party.

Before the names are drawn from the tumbler it  is announced which particular property is being drawn and it continues until all properties have been awarded. The first name drawn was going to be awarded that large property that included the parking space, the property that I had wanted so badly. I do not remember this as distinctly as Bill does, perhaps because I was so enthralled in the excitement of the whole thing, but Bill told me later that when Helen pulled the first name out, a smile crossed her face.

My name was the very first name drawn and it was for the property I had worked so diligently at least mentally and spiritually to achieve. I could not believe my ears. It was all I could do to hold back my tears. This had really happened, I was physically shaking from the shock of it and was awestruck with amazement. I knew this was going to happen and yet when it did, I was overwhelmed.

Let me explain this did not mean I was given the property, it meant I had this wonderful opportunity to purchase this beautiful condo at a greatly reduced price. This meant I could actually purchase a place of my own after over thirty years of paying rent!

The next few months were a struggle to find financing. I did not have great credit, it was average, and I had worked for myself for the past twelve years, my income was somewhat of an issue. After having been turned down for financing several times, I was somewhat discouraged, but determined to find a way to buy this property. Bill was very encouraging, he said remember the smile that crossed Helen's face and always remember of all the people who were at that lottery, God chose you first. Six years later I still remember that and I always will.

After finally finding a bank and a loan officer, named Cheryl Weismith, it looked as if things were finally on their way to completion. Remember this was December 2007, within six months of my purchase the entire real estate market collapsed and it is still recovering to this day. I remember Cheryl was very insistent about the "drop dead" date of December 4. I think she knew the market was on the brink of collapse and if I did not get financing by that date, there was a possibility it would never happen.

As I stated at the being of this two part blog post, there were so many things that went so rightly with such impeccable timing it is beyond coincidence, it was divine intervention. Let me explain further.

Six months after moving into my elevator building with an attached and enclosed garage, I lost my first leg. As time progressed I began to realize just how perfectly suited this condo was for the amputee I had become. There are no stairs for me to climb either into or out of my condo unit or into or out of the garage, perfect for someone in a wheelchair. I had only lived in one other elevator building in my entire life and that was 25 years earlier, every place I had ever lived since was always on the second or third floor of a walk up building.

My condo also has in unit laundry facilities, something I had never had before ever, something I desperately needed after having become an amputee. When my name was drawn at that lottery I had no idea what was going ensue in just a few months. I have since come to realize just how perfect the timing was for was about to happen to me.

I feel that it was my destiny to become an amputee, that there is a reason this happened, an inevitable fate of sorts. I feel and I will always feel that this condo was chosen for me by God as a place that despite the hardships that losing not only one leg both legs, I have a comfortable, beautiful, and well suited place to live. If you look at all that happened in order for this to take place with such perfect timing it has to be more than coincidence.

Maybe I should have called this two part blog post, " two glorious days"  because it was glorious the day my name was drawn and it was glorious the day I moved in. I made a promise to God before my name was drawn that I would never take this place for granted and I would thank him for him for it everyday.

Six years later I have kept my promise and there is not one day that goes by that I am not grateful for the blessing of my home. Thanks be to God. 

A Glorious Day (Part 1)

The photo above was taken standing on the balcony of my new condo before I moved in 2007.


 

It was 6 years ago today that I realized a lifelong dream. I moved into my condo six years ago today, I was 50 years old. I had been wanting to own my own place for decades before my wish became a reality, through a series of events too perfect to be just a coincidence.

Through the guidance and tenacity of my friend Bill I was finally able to purchase my own home. Bill found out about a program here in Chicago that was designed to allow people to purchase homes at a reduced rate. This program called  Chicago Affordable Housing, was implemented  by an Alderman in Chicago named Helen Schiller.

The program offered new properties at a reduced rate. A person is required to attend classes about first time home ownership, managing money, maintaining property and the like. Upon successful completion of the required classes and being financially qualified, a person is eligible to participate in a lottery whereby if your name is drawn, you are able to purchase a condominium at a substantially lower price than current market value.

After having completed all the required perquisites, I was now eligible to be placed in a lottery. A few weeks before a lottery is to take place you are notified and invited to tour the property or properties to be offered in the lottery. I followed all of the perscribed procedures and attended my first lottery. My name was not drawn.

A few months later I attended a second lottery. At these lottery drawings, there are usually multiple properties offered anywhere from eight to twelve, in addition to the names drawn for the properties, there are also alternate names drawn. These alternate names are used in the event the person whose name was actually drawn is unable to attain financing.

My name was drawn as an alternate in my second lottery. I really didn't think that much about it, because I felt the chances of getting a condo through the unfortunate reality of someone else not being able to get financing, was a slim possibility. A couple of months later I was notified that someone was in fact unable to get their property financed, which meant the property was offered to me. I was able to look at the property again, it was a small two bedroom, one bath unit in a high rise with no outdoor space, no parking included and a west view.


At the risk of sounding like an ingrate, and although I was excited at the possibility of home ownership, I was not thrilled with this particular property. It was small, boxy, in a large building with a doorman, not really my cup of tea. I preferred a smaller building, without the added expensive of a 24 hour doorman. I was in a quandary. Bear in mind that if I decided not to take this property it would not make me ineligible for further lotteries nor would it reflect badly upon me in any manner.

I enlisted the advice of three people. First I asked Bill what he thought of the possibility of me turning down the property? He said he felt that this was a very important decision, a decision that I should make on my own, after all I was the one who would have to live with the consequences of that decision. The  second person I asked was my friend Marguerite. She said that as long as I was prepared to live with the possibility that my name may never be drawn again, to follow my heart. She also advised that I should be prepared to cope with my decision regardless of what may happen in the future.

The third and final person I asked was my friend, Lorelei. Her advice was short and sweet, she said, "Never settle for less than what you want."  I kept thinking that although it was brand new and nice, after all was said and done, I would be alone in this tiny cracker box with no outdoor space. I turned down the property.

After a few months had gone by was notified of yet another lottery drawing. Bill and I toured all the properties, one of them I really liked was in a new complex they were building. We did not actually tour the property per se, because the models were not even completed yet, instead we met with the saleswoman, named January and looked at the artist's renderings of the property.

The last property we toured was right up the street from the other complex, when we walked in the building before the elevator had even been installed, I thought there had been some mistake. Upon entering this unit I was struck by the fact it was huge, with recessed lighting, a east facing balcony on the second floor and unlike any of the other properties, it included parking. Parking in Chicago is a very big commodity. I was flabbergasted by the size, the view, and the all important and valuable parking.

I immediately set my sights on the large condo with parking. I could not get this property out of my mind. I prayed about it, I visualized it being mine, I created a vision board, I threw all of my energy into getting this property. I used to drive by and park in front of the building and stare at the condo. At some point I had a real epiphany about this property, I knew and I felt in my heart and soul that this was going to be my new home. To this day I cannot explain the feelings and the certainty I felt within myself that this was really going to happen.

After what seemed like an eternity, which was actually a month or two, the day of the lottery arrived. When I walked into the area where the lottery was to take place, there was the saleswoman, January, from the complex we had previously viewed.  I walked up to her and I said I am walking out of here today with a condo, she smiled. I also approached a woman named Christina, she was a representative of the Chicago Affordable Housing Program, I looked at her square in the eye and I said, "Christina I am walking out of here today with a condo, I just wanted you to know."

Then we took our seats, it was exciting, a buzz with anticipation and the impending possibilities.

To be continued.......

Three Years Ago (Part 4)

This photo was taken at the Rush Medical Center outpatient physical therapy gym September 2012.

While I was still in the rehab center, Bill and our friend Michelle visited me. I was surprised and yet very pleased that Michelle had accompanied Bill, while they were with me someone walked in to take me to the in patient rehab gym. In situations like these no time is ever wasted and rehab is started immediately, I was to walk on my one prosthetic leg using a walker.

Bill and Michelle joined me at rehab and I remember Bill, Michelle, and I joined hands and she said prayer for me. It was during their visit that Michelle said to me "through great losses come great blessings." In addition to coping with monumental loss of my second leg, I was also wondering about my future and how I was going to survive financially, specifically  how I was going to keep my condo. Bill remembers this better than I, but Michelle said in a confident almost omnipotent way, "oh you are not going to lose your condo."

There are probably a whole host of other instances that occurred but these are the ones that stuck out in my mind the most and the most clearly. Eventually I returned home and began an arduous task of recuperating and putting my life back together.

One of the main reasons why I wanted to recall and explain all of these things to you is because there is a chance that there may be someone out there reading my words who is going through something similar. As difficult and seemingly hopeless as my story seemed as it was happening to me at the time, there has been life after amputation. There has been life after double amputation.

I am not going to sugar coat things and say everything is great, because it isn't, however life has progressed forward and adjustments have been made. My life will never be as it once was, nor will your life if you are living similar circumstances. This I can say, I still laugh, I still love, I still want to be loved and all of the basic human qualities remain.

Through the past three years I have grown as a person. I am much more aware of the preciousness of life,   I am thankful for what I do still have and I understand more fully that as difficult as my life may seem sometimes, there are those whose lives are even more difficult than mine. There are those who have lost even more than I and have managed to have full and happy lives.

As Thanksgiving is tomorrow, I know that I am thankful I was given the opportunity and freedom to express myself to you and that with God's grace my words will find their way into your heart and help you in some small way, be a better person, live a happier life and pass the love along.

Thank you.


*To leave a comment hit the button below, to reach me personally write to: glennartinc@yahoo.com

Three Years Ago (Part 3)

Here I am standing in front of a St Lucia sign, this is one of the last pictures taken while I still had my left leg.

As we traveled down the expressway toward Rush Medical Center, my mind was racing, my emotions were all over the place, and yet there was a calm practical aspect to all of this. I had to remember to pack things like my hairbrush, razor, and cellphone charger, after all I knew I would in the hospital for quite a while and despite the costs of a hospitalization it is certainly is not a hotel.

My assistant Frank, not a very comforting type of person, meant my conversation in the car was relegated to the practical aspects of what he was to do at my place in my absence and not much else. I could not look to him for any emotion support, his approach is much too clinical for such pleasantries as offering comfort. 

When we arrived at the emergency room, Frank offered to come in with me but I declined his offer as I knew he was much too hyper a person to play the waiting game and his being there served no purpose. In medical emergency situations I have found it to be one of the most alone periods one can endure. No one can have the surgery for you, no one can recuperate for you, no one can even genuinely comprehend what you are actually going through. 

At this stage of the game things begin to get a little foggy. I know they put me in an emergency cubicle and I was given a tranquilizer, Ativan, I definitely needed it at that point to help me cope with what was about to transpire. I do not recall whether or not they attempted to do a TPA procedure or whether is was determined to be a fruitless effort. 

At some point I called my sister, Rhonda and either she or I called Marguerite and Marguerite called Bill. Those were the only people whom I alerted right away, the others, Ruthie, Steve and others came later. Fortunately under such dire circumstances you are administered a plethora of drugs which of course drape your memories in a heavy thick fog. 

One of the last recollections I have is being in a pre-op area which is the last stop before you are wheeled into the operating room. I know Rhonda was there and either Justin, my nephew, or Erica, one of my nieces, were there and for some reason my friend, Shawn may have been there. Forgive me for not knowing exactly what occurred, if I am not retelling this exactly, those who were there can correct me and I know their account would be more accurate than mine.

I remember feeling loved and being surrounded by those who cared about me, it was a feeling of comfort and warmth. The next thing I remember is being in intensive care. The intensive care units are designed to be just that, intensive care. They are curtained off partitioned areas in one large room, void of telephones or televisions, hot, and very noisy. It is next to impossible to get any rest despite the potent drugs that were coursing through my veins.

I think at this point Christmas had already passed or was within a day or two. My sister, Rhonda had given up her Christmas to be with her brother and I hope she knows how much her sacrifice means to me even to this day. I do recall her only grandson, Max, was celebrating his first birthday on New Year's Eve and Rhonda wanted to be home for that, I insisted that she go. She had already done enough.

Normally a post-operative person without complications should only remain in intensive care for a couple of days, however, there was a shortage of available rooms in the regular part of the hospital and I was forced to stay in intensive care well beyond what was necessary. This posed a problem because as I said, it is very hot, very noisy and no privacy whatsoever.

Eventually I was given a private room on the eighth floor of the hospital, a place where I had been many times before, everyone knew me from all of my previous stays. A few things happened that really stand out in my mind.

I remember calling my dear friend, Ruth, or maybe she called me, I told her that what I had hoped would never happen, did in fact happen. I had lost my left leg above the knee, thereby making me a bilateral above knee amputee. Ruth cried. She does not normally cry, I have known her for over twenty years, we are dear friends and maybe she has cried once or twice in my presence. She cried because she knew how much this would change my life. I will never forget it.

Another incident happened after I was moved from the regular hospital to the adjacent rehab center. A friend of mine named Patrick, visited me, he and I had become friends at Cheetah gym. I remember he used me as an example to some of his less dedicated friends  about not making excuses for not working out. Anyway he was not prepared for what he saw, and I guess the full magnitude of what had happened to his friend hit him pretty hard.

I told him I would bounce back, but it was too much for him seeing me like I was, he had to leave the room. I think maybe he went to gather his thoughts, perhaps cry, I am not sure. He did come back more composed and apologized for leaving the room, I told him there was no need to apologize. This was an emotional situation for all involved, not just for me but also for those who love me.

To be continued.....

Three Years Ago (part 2)

Above  is a photo of  me sitting on my balcony drinking a protein shake after my workout taken March 2010.

Fortunately, I have always had the ability and wherewithal to bounce back from many medical procedures. After having gone through two surgeries and three total hospital stays during 2010, I enjoyed the second half of 2010 free from any impending medical procedures or complications. 

I enjoyed my 10 day cruise immensely, I was back to my routine. I will never forget Saturday December 18, 2010. I went to the gym as usual and everything was fine, I had stopped to talk to a friend near the locker room and it was then that my world began to change forever. Walking the short 150 feet from where I was talking, to the front of the gym, a clot occurred. One of the most insidious things about this hyper coagulation syndrome is that you have no warning, one minute your blood is flowing the next minute it is not, kind of like turning off a faucet.

There I was sitting on a couch in the front of the gym, terrified. I knew from past experiences what had just happened. I also knew what lie ahead for me at least in the short term and what potentially and most likely lie ahead in the long term. It took about 15 minutes for a sufficient amount of blood to reach my feet before I could walk to the car and drive home. Often times even though you have a clot,  some blood can eventually reach your extremities, the amount of time it takes varies with the severity of the occlusion, I knew this was bad.

When I finally got home my mind was whirling like a cyclone, fear, anxiety, worry, what to do, who to call, I was a mess. I had a conversation with God pleading with him to not let this be true, to let it pass or let it be my imagination on overdrive. In my heart of hearts I knew the truth, and yet I immediately went into denial, I did not deserve this, I had already been through so much, I was a good person and on and on. 

It took a lot of courage for me to do the unthinkable, remove my shoe and sock and look at my left foot. Tears were welling up in my eyes as my greatest fear was visually apparent, my foot as white and as cold as snow. No blood in my foot causing the whiteness and coldness, this had really happened. A voice in my head resonating Dr. Jacobs words, "if this bypass fails there is no where left to bypass." What that meant was I was going to lose my left leg also, I broke down and sobbed.

Always a resident in the hotel denial, I thought well maybe it will be better by tomorrow, it was one of the worse days and nights of my life. I lie awake most of the night, I slept with my left leg draped over the side of the bed letting gravity pull as much blood as possible into to my poor blood starved left leg and foot, but it was of course of no avail, a last ditch effort.

It was one week before Christmas, Bill was in Nashville for the holidays, Marguerite and Paul were two hours away in Normal Illinois and everyone in my family lived three and a half hours away in Indianapolis. I could either call an ambulance or call my personal assistant Frank. I opted to call Frank to take me to the hospital. When I called him on Sunday morning I told him what had happened and told him to pick me up in a couple of hours, I needed time to pack.

It was one of the longest and most somber car trips I had ever taken..........

To be continued.

Three Years Ago (Part 1)

Pictured above is a shot I took from the Emerald Princess cruise ship in November 2010.

It has been almost three years since the loss of my second leg. At this time three years ago I was preparing to embark on my first cruise to the Caribbean with my friend Shawn, his sister, Lisa and her husband, Dan. I was a mixture of excitement and a smidgen of angst. I had never undertaken such a trip before and having lost one leg at this point I was a little nervous. After much encouragement and reassurance from family and friends I was looking forward to the trip.

A couple of weeks before the trip I had undergone a test to check the circulation in my remaining left leg, I did not want any complications while at sea. Everything had checked out fine and I was doing well in physical therapy, in fact, I had been learning to walk with my prosthetic leg up and down sloped areas, soon I may have been able to dispense with the cane altogether. Alas, that was not to be.

I returned from the cruise on Saturday December 4, I was well rested, very tan, and excited to return to Cheetah gym and resume my everyday life. Things were going well and I was proud of my accomplishments having bounced back from the loss of my right leg just 18 months earlier. I was driving using my left leg, going to the gym 5-6 days a week and had even managed to work a couple of jobs, things were going to be just fine.

During the course of 2010 I had been battling to keep my left leg. Things took a turn for the worse December 27 2009, I had a blood clot occur during my visit Christmas 2009. My sister, Rhonda ended up taking me back to Chicago in her car and my brother- in-law, Peter, drove my car to Chicago. Fortunately my vascular surgeon, Dr. Chad Jacobs, was able to dissolve the clot through a procedure called a TPA. Again in April 2010 another clot appeared this time, however, the clot was not able to be dissolved and a bypass was performed. 

I remember while recovering from the  bypass my surgeon advised me he was not particularly pleased with my bypass and wanted to redo it so that it would hopefully last longer. I was upset and said I wasn't sure my body could withstand much more invasive surgery. He assured me that I was in fact physically capable of undergoing further surgery. We decided to redo the surgery in June. In May the veins occluded again unexpectedly, and I went in to have yet another by pass, this time something that had never happened before, occurred, compartment syndrome.

Compartment Syndrome is what happens when too much blood rushes into your veins too quickly and can rapidly cause your veins to burst. The emergency solution is to make long cuts into your legs to allow the proliferation of blood to escape. This procedure was performed successfully and allowed me to dodge the bullet and keep my leg.  I will continue this in my next post........

Being Oblivious

My Personal Assistant

This may seem like an odd subject to address, however, it has been on my mind for quite sometime, so I thought I would write about it. For about the last year or so I have been having a lot of problems with my personal assistant.

I have had this particular assistant, whom I will call Fred, for the past three years. Granted I may not be the easiest person to work for, in that, despite all of the physical constraints that have been placed upon me due my limb losses, I still maintain high standards with respect to how my household is run. I realize, and have previously written about, the frustration that occurs when you are no longer able to physically perform tasks that prior to your loss, in whatever capacity, were simple.

It is often difficult to verbalize how or what you would like to have done by your assistant in a way that is easily understood. That difficulty is exacerbated if your assistant either is slow to absorb information or simply has trouble paying attention to what you are saying. Either way, it leads to a miscommunication, you are frustrated by his inability to get done what it is you have asked of him and he is frustrated because he does not understand what it is you want him to do.

Occasionally my PA has voiced his opinion about me personally, which caused me to wonder what he thought of me as a person. Case in point, about a year and half ago we had one of our many heated discussions and in the course of that discussion, he stated, "well at least I have never had to take money from the state." Needless to say I was shocked and offended by his comment that I was in some way,  sponging off of the state by collecting disability. Although I did not make a big deal out of his comment, I did tell him in no uncertain terms that I had worked tirelessly for 35 years and what I was receiving was not a hand out, and that I would much prefer to be working.

There have been so many instances of Fred's incompetence, forgetting things, breaking things and general disinterest that it would bore my readers to list them all, but I want you to understand how tolerate I have been throughout the last three years.

Last week another episode occurred that may be the proverbial straw. I had asked Fred to change one of the light bulbs in my shower and suffice it to say he dropped it in the shower and broke it. That in and of itself is understandable, but when told me about it, he said the fixture broke. I corrected him and said no it did not break it was broken. Once again Fred refused to accept responsibility for his actions and chose to blame the object and not his action.

He went on  to say that, "things do break, like your legs or your HIV." Anyone who knows me already knows when those insensitive  and uncompassionate words came out of his mouth,  I was livid. He sensed how enraged his comments had made me feel and quickly added that he didn't mean it that way.

All of this may seem to you to be petty bs but multiply it by three times a week times 52 weeks a year and perhaps you get some idea the frustration I feel. I had hoped that a day or two later he would realize how offensive his words were, and would apologize. Thus far no apology and no acknowledgement of his harsh words.

I ask you, am I being too sensitive or is what he said cold and cruel? This last episode has further solidified my conviction that this assistant has no understanding or compassion for my situation and I have to wonder whether  I want someone who has so little regard for my situation, working for me.

Please let me know if you feel I am jumping to conclusions or whether his words and subsequent non action are reason enough to look for another assistant.

*To leave a comment hit the comment button below, to contact me personally write to: glennartinc@yahoo.com

Finding the Beauty

I recently received an email from my friend Bill and forwarded it to many of my friends. I am going to discuss this man's perspective on being a quadriplegic. Hopefully after reading this man's story you can appreciate how I feel also. Please google the following: This is How It Feels To Be A Quadriplegic  I was unable to figure out how to create a direct link, my following post is based on the above mentioned article, please take the time to read his article first so that my comments below will make sense.

This article really struck a chord with me and understandably so. I hardly know where to begin, but first and foremost I must commend this man's courage and congratulate him on a most perceptibly accurate account of living life either unable to use existing limbs or having lost limbs due to amputation.

I realize that there are fundamental differences between this man, Jimmy Anderson, and myself. First and foremost he is paralyzed and I am an amputee, I still retain use of my arms and hands and he does not, and I have had my legs removed, he has not. There are also other differences in the way we arrived at our respective situations and a host of other things.

There are also a lot of similarities between our two different scenarios. I agree with Jimmy that my leg loss and his paralysis has made our world feel restrictive, unable to do the simplest of tasks or to participate in some of life's simplest pleasures. I still really miss walking on the beach, feeling the sand between my toes, I suppose I always will.

 Jimmy states in his article that the world is a series of obstacles and barriers, this is true. Before embarking on any type of outing, one must first "scope out" where one is going and how easily, accessible or inaccessible it is. If you are as lucky as I am, people who are close to you begin to observe these things for themselves, and then they also feel the pangs of inaccessibility and understand more fully the magnitude of your paralysis or limb loss.

Jimmy Anderson also states in his article, "This Is How It Feels To Be A Quadriplegic," that not being able to use your hands is even than the loss of mobility. Naturally, I have not had to suffer that devastating loss, and my heart aches for his loss. Having experience in monumental loss, I can more closely relate than someone who has never suffered that type of loss at all. Having said that,  it does not even begin to make me be able to comprehend how much worse it must be to not have the use of ANY of your limbs.

Those of you who know me, already realize how important and crucial my artwork has been to me with respect to helping me get through these leg losses and to even contemplate not being able to create my art is incomprehensible to me.The way that Jimmy Anderson expressed himself in his article made me rethink my situation with a greater appreciation for what I do still possess, it gave me a moment of pause, to really examine myself and reaffirm the thankfulness I feel when I able to maintain my autonomy.

As Jimmy was describing the news story about a quadriplegic man who committed suicide by driving his motorized  into a lake and drowning, it struck fear within him, that perhaps his life and his prospects would be so bleak he might contemplate the same thing. I must admit that even I after the loss of my first leg, imagined the possibility of losing my other leg with feelings of trepidation, fear and wondering whether I would have the wherewithal to continue living.

I think these feelings are not uncommon, what seems to occur in many instances, is that you seek and ultimately find the strength and courage to continue down your path to the best of your ability. Like so much in life, if we seek it out,  we can often find what it is we need to accomplish in our lives that might make life worth living. Fortunately for Jimmy Anderson and for the rest of the people of this world we were blessed with his wisdom and and inspired by his words to do the best that we can possibly do.

Not unlike Jimmy,  I too, have sought to bring hope and encouragement to others in my position. I always remember that old, adage  that goes something like this, "I used to complain about the holes in my shoes, until I saw a man with  no feet." I am now that man.

I agree with Jimmy Anderson, that I also seek to find beauty in this world and I find it everyday in the words and actions of people like Jimmy.

Thank You Jimmy for making this world a better place in which to live.

*To leave a comment, hit the comment button below, to reach me personally, write to glennartinc@yahoo.com

Reflecting Back

A weird thought just crossed my mind. I am up on the roof, I just finished listening to an audio book and I was just getting ready to write this passage for my blog when I thought I would rest this notebook on my bent legs while I write.

Sometimes I have strange thoughts like that, temporarily forgetting I  no longer have legs that bend which used to enable me to rest a notebook or anything else upon them. Occasionally I will catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror and the reality of my loss hits me head on in my reflection.

Losing a limb is something that never goes away; sure we meet our challenges boldly and with as much bravery as we can muster but then something like your reflection will stare back at you with harsh permanence, sometimes shaking you to your core.

Although I am a staunch believer in living life in the present, I can't help but remember back on what once was. I ran across some old photos the other day and I saw a picture I had taken of Bill and I on the Amtrak train trip we had taken across the country in 2003.

In this particular photo I had taken, there was a portion of the picture which contained an image of my naked right foot.

All of this may seem silly or perhaps sad as you read these words, but it is all a part of limb loss. It is  not unlike losing a loved one, the occasional anxiety we may feel at the possibility that we may forget what the person looked like or the sound of their voice. Losing  a part of you body is much the same, anxiety or sadness about forgetting what our feet, ankles, calves or my case knee caps looked like or how it felt to see them.

I was talking to my friend Paul  on the phone the other day and he was telling  me about a guest speaker he had heard recently at a Rotary Club meeting. Paul went on to say this man, who was also a bilateral above knee amputee, gave a very inspirational speech about his drive to become a baseball coach.

After the man had finished speaking, Paul had an opportunity to talk with him personally. One of the things the man said to Paul, that gave Paul pause, was the fact he, the man who had spoken, considered himself to be lucky. Paul said to me upon recalling this talk, that he was finding it hard to understand how this man could consider himself to be lucky.

I told Paul I completely understand how the man might feel because I, myself, consider myself to be lucky, in some ways also. Granted losing your limbs is not lucky in and of itself, however, through my limb loss I have met a lot of other people who are afflicted with illnesses, both physically and mentally, that are far more debilitating than my limb loss.

Like everything in life, it is all relative to where you find your yourself at a particular time, what your life experiences have been, and most importantly, how you have chosen to deal with what life has dealt.

When on those occasions, I catch a glimpse of myself in the mirror and see that  one third of my body is missing, it is still a shock, sometimes, even after five years.You want with all your heart for it to be one long bad dream, from which one day you will awaken and you will be physically complete again.

But alas, you know that will never happen in this lifetime and you instead refocus your energy toward the more positive aspects of life and feel thankful for what you do have.

There is nothing wrong with reflecting back on what once was, as long as we do it lovingly and without malice, ever aware that part of what once was, is part of what makes us who we are today.

We cannot change the past, what we once were, or what happened to change us, nor can we change what might happen in the future, we are only able to affect out present.

Our present is actually the only real thing that exists and we should strive to make the most of it, after all, this present moment will as soon as we think about it become our past.

Making the most of our present moment and living life as consciously as possible, will ensure that we honestly did the very best that we could, the best we knew how, and we can't really expect more from ourselves than our best.

*To leave a comment hit the comment button below, to contact me personally write to: glennartinc@yahoo.com

HomeMod to the Rescue Once Again

  Above is a recent picture my new balcony, complete with summer flowers and an elevated floor.

                      After the exterior balcony floor was elevated, an interior step was added.

There is a fantastic program here in Chicago available to persons with disabilities, it is called HomeMod. Those of you who have been following my blog for the past couple of years will recall that this HomeMod program has done  work for me in the past couple of years. Two years ago I had my hallway bathroom remodeled, having the bathtub and shower doors removed and a walk in shower or in my case a roll in shower installed.

Last year I had the wall to wall carpeting removed and a wood laminate floor installed in the main living area of my condo. All of the modifications that were done were free of charge, if you qualify for the program, you are allowed up to $10,000.00 per year until age 65 to be used toward an improvement that will make living with your disability and maintaining your independence easier.

When I lost my second leg in December 2010 getting out onto my balcony was nearly impossible. Before the balcony was redone there was a four inch step up to the patio door threshold and a seven inch step down onto the actual balcony. Being a bilateral above knee amputee, steps are always a problem and accessibility to anything with steps is particularly difficult, my balcony was no exception.

I am pleased to say that once again the HomeMod program came to my aid, elevating my balcony floor up to the level of the threshold at the sliding patio doors and installing a two inch step inside allowing me to step up onto the threshold and out onto the balcony. Originally I had helped them design the new balcony with the intention of using my short legs to access the balcony. When the project was complete, I was looking at the way it played out  and I discovered I can also access the balcony using my wheelchair.

Anyone who knows me, knows how much I enjoy being outdoors and being unable to get out on my balcony was very displeasing to me. Now thanks to the homeMod program that is no longer an issue, I can easily get outside either on my short legs or my wheelchair. Yeah!

If you are a Chicago resident living with a physical disability and under the age of 65 you may qualify for this very special and highly appreciated program. There is an application process and they will come out to your house to discuss what modifications can be done and even offer advice about what  can retrofitted in your home to make living a more autonomous life, easier.

The gentleman's name is Mark Nobriga, he is the HomeMod Program Director. He can be reached by phone at 312.743.1523 or emailed at: mnobriga@cityofchicago.org. I do not know the website address, if you call Mr. Nobriga he will be able to direct you through the appropriate steps to obtain an application along with the deadline dates etc.

I do not know if other such programs exist outside of Chicago, I suspect that there are other similar programs however, I do not know exact names or websites. It may be helpful to contact the local People With Disabilities office in your town or city.

Heartfelt thanks to the HomeMod Program for once again making my life a little easier and whole lot more enjoyable.

*To leave a comment hit the comment button below or to write to me personally, I can be reached at: glennartinc@yahoo.com  

Accomplishment

                     Here is a picture of the sundeck on the roof of my building before I stained it.

Here is the same area on the roof  of my building after I stained it.

Pictured above are the before and after of my sundeck that I recently finished staining. I had been wanting to stain this deck for quite some time, not only because it was desperately in need of attention but also because I wanted to set a goal I knew was attainable and carry it through to its completion.

It is peculiar how when you are a wheelchair user, that people get their own perception of what you are capable of doing. I recently finished reading a book, a fictitious novel about a gay man in a wheelchair. One of the many things I liked about this book was how the author was able to convey the inner most feelings his main character had, and how he himself felt about being in a wheelchair.

I found many similarities between this character, who was named Bruce and myself. The book describes how many people cannot see past the wheelchair and realize that it is a human being in the chair who has the same needs, desires, hopes and dreams as anyone else. I have noticed in my own experience that people treat you differently, sometimes it is the helpless approach and sometimes it is to ignore you, as if you were invisible.

I remember when I approached the president of the condo board here about my proposal to stain the roof deck of my building, he seemed to be taken aback, if even just a little. He asked me if I were capable of doing such a large job. I reminded him that before I was in a wheelchair that I had been a decorative painter for many years. I ended up turning it into a joke of sorts, asking him, "who is closer to the ground than me?" I assured him I was quite capable of staining a deck and that those areas which I could not reach, like the back side of the railings, I would enlist a friend of mine to help.

Without tooting my own horn too much, I think I have already surprised a lot of people with what I am still able to accomplish. For example, as I have mentioned in earlier posts, I am the treasurer of the condo board here and this year I have demonstrated just how much responsibility, physical and mental endurance I still possess.

Another subtle difference I have noticed is that people who knew me before I found myself in a wheelchair and those who have only known me this way, as a wheelchair user, treat me differently. I do not expect a non-wheelchair person to completely grasp what I am trying to say but there is a slightly and in some cases more than just slightly different  way in which I am treated. When I use the word I it means all wheelchair users not just me in particular.

At first I thought that perhaps it was my imagination that was prompting these suspicions about the way I or we are treated individually and as a group. My suspicions were confirmed by the character in this book I mentioned earlier, who spoke of being treated as inferior because he can no longer walk of his own accord. Sometimes able bodied people inadvertently treat wheelchair persons as second class citizens forgetting that, but by a twist of fate, they themselves could find him or herself in the same predicament.   

If you are new to this whole wheelchair thing, be prepared to be treated differently. When I write all of this I am not saying everyone who is able bodied treats those who are not with disdain or contempt but that there exists subtle differences that are discernable over time. 

The main focus of persons who live their lives in wheelchairs is to remember that we are still the same person we always were and more importantly still able to accomplish great feats despite other person's feelings to the contrary. When I set out with my proposal to stain the sundeck, I knew I was capable of doing just that, perhaps not as quickly as an able bodied person may have, but nonetheless quite proficient at completing the task. 

When we set a goal for ourselves we must bear in mind that we are setting this goal as a means of accomplishing something we want for ourselves and not trying to prove something to someone else. There is nothing wrong with setting out to prove something to ourselves but there is something fundamentally wrong with trying to prove something to someone else.

What was really cool about this whole deck staining thing was that I completed the task, made some money, and perhaps in the interim educated someone else about just what a wheelchair person can really do. In my book that is a win, win win.

*To leave a comment hit the comment button below, to reach me personally write to: glennartinc@yahoo.com